Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Good day

Started with a session at the gym. Hard work, but satisfying.

Then straight on to an outpatient appointment with my psychiatrist. That was also very positive. Lots to fill him in on, including how things fell apart over Christmas, Crisis team involvement, etc, but also how things are now(much better, in case you hadn't noticed). We got into a lot of very useful discussion about why things went wrong, why things are better and how to keep them that way, particularly when winter draws in next year. We identified that lack of light is definitely a problem, particularly when added to other stresses. The major stress this year (and I am sure the reason why I went downhill in November/December rather than my usual February / March time slot) was all the issues with BLPT and my horrendous experience of the complaints process. Add in to that D telling me she was leaving, Christmas, lack of light, work pressures and it becomes clear. But I am very clear that the actions of BLPT in reference to my complaint led to my becoming so very unwell.

Why am I doing better now? I have huge pressure at work at the moment but am coping with it (largely by recognising that a lot of the requirements are stupidly impossible). The complaints process is beyond me now, and with all the records I am managing to get hold of (thanks to the immense helpfulness of the Information governance department at BLPT) I am gradually pulling together an understanding of what really went on, rather than the version BLPT has tried to fob me off with. I can also see that certain things have changed - new systems have been put in by IG, and from the notes I have read it is apparent that certain people were "encouraged" to justify their actions. The increased daylight really helps - over the last few days I have felt myself wanting to soak it up. I've come to terms (I hope) with D not being my care coordinator - thank goodness I am still seeing her, otherwise I think it would be a different story. So all of that has helped. The work I am doing with D is also helping a great amount, by putting me more in touch with my emotions. I talked about all of this with Dr K today, and it was really helpful. So was his recognition of the problem winter causes for me, and his suggestion that we act pro-actively next year, by raising the level of one of my antidepressants before I start going downhill. As he said, once I start on the slippery slope it is much harder for me to climb back up.

While at the hospital I also saw S, my previous CC. It was really good to catch up with her, to fill her in on where I am now (and some of what has happened) and to make it clear to her that there was nothing personal to her in my request to be transferred to another team. I think she already appreciated that, but it was good to have her acknowledge that the summer was very difficult for me.

Then I came home, picked the girls up and we went into town. Lunch in town was pleasant, and we all benefitted from a trip to the bookshop! Then on for a happy two hours or so at The Kiln, our local pottery painting centre. I painted a tray for our plants; H did a mirror and E a plate. Good fun. Maybe I will post pictures when we get them back after firing.


sally said...

So glad things are better...I'm sure winter does the same for me, it's my worst time..Ihave thought about getting one of those Light boxes, they are suppsoed to help..shal we try next winter??? xx

marcella said...

So glad for the good day. It reminds me, we must hit the paint it yourself pottery place too. Very therapeutic and I still have a lovely fruit dish from 7 years ago made by my neice. She's frightfully embarrassed by it now having just hit 16, but I think it's great.

Disillusioned said...

Hi Sally. I have a light box but not the stickability to use it properly - or at least, I have the stickability but am supposed to use it at times when I am teaching, which just isn't practical. Next year I will try to make better use of it - or maybe just make sure I go out for a walk during the day to get some light.

Marcella, The Kiln is a trip we often take during holidays; have been going there since they opened, 4 years ago. Both girls have had birthday parties there and we have quite a collection of pottery from our various visits. Ours does special evening adults only events too, and for a time I used to go there regularly with some friends from work. It's a good, creative experience for us.