How to make Christmas happen

These things need to happen. This post is a reminder of that to myself, but also a reminder that I don't have to make them all happen by myself.

Cards need to be written and posted.

Presents need to be decided on and bought.

The tree needs to be put up and decorated.

Food needs to be bought, prepared and cooked.

My sewing stuff needs to be cleared from the dining room so it can become - well, a dining room!
Some presents need to be posted.


The list doesn't look so overwhelming, does it? But it is so tangled up in my own stuff that it seems impossible.
For a start it is tied up in my own memories of Christmas. This was a time we spent at my grandparents' house. Hence it was a time when I felt safe, when I was able to be a child and when I did not have the responsiblities which were mine at home. Christmas was a happy time, a time when my parents were on their best behaviour, and a time when I was protected from their needs by the presence of my grandparents. I have associations of it being a wonderful time. I want to recreate that idyll for my own children, and for myself. I want Christmas to be like it was for me as a child - and it can't be, for all sorts of reasons.
Then there is the whole "need to please" aspect, linked for me with fear of rejection if it is not what others want / need / expect. In my mind, I have to do it all. In reality, I don't, but I do have to organise a huge amount of it and therefore feel responsible for most of it. It's in danger of becoming something of a show. I need to please others with the gifts I buy them - and making decisions about what to buy hence carries a lot of baggage with it.
Add to that the finance element and things become even more complicated. I want to give the world - but I also don't want nasty letters from the bank.
Just to add to the mix, there is a whole aspect of fear, for Christmas is an unstructured time and I am well aware that the structure of school, being with others etc is very important right now in keeping me as stable as I am. Many professionals will not be available. Friends will not be around. It's emotionally isolating.
So Christmas is a bit scary at the moment. Here's hoping it all works out OK.