Saturday, 22 December 2007

Saturday evening

The volume of thoughts short-circuiting my brain is exceding my ability to shut them up. The only place I have been largely able to keep up appearances is at home, and that is only due to valium, alcohol and the support I am getting from outside.
I keep being told that I should tell my other half exactly how I am feeling. The impossiblity of that is something I can't communicate. It's not like I haven't tried in the past. It's just I don't have anything left in me to try with. I'm working too hard at pushing all the threads back into the boxes.


marcella said...

I tried to reply to this last night but had to hide it when h came along - yes that IS a clue to how our relationship works (or doesn't). Only you know whether being more open with your h would help in the end or just rock an already leaky boat. It may be necessary to really communicate, it may be best just to look after yourself through this and get help from those who are willing and able to be there for you now, in the knowledge that he will be there for you at other times and in ways that he CAN do. Hugs anyway
Yours truly
the captain of the local Titanic

Kathryn said...

Might it be an option to get the support team to tell him for you??
I'm inclined to think that they're right that you'll get more support if he knows where you really are...but I can also see the enormity of trying to get through to someone intent on not hearing.
Praying for you either way

Disillusioned said...

Thanks, both.

Did broach the subject - wasn't shot down in flames but didn't get an encouragement to talk either. Oh well. Like you say, Marcella, I just need to accept the support he does give in other ways.