Balance

... oops - I wobbled!

The weekend was dominated - too dominated - by working. How to find a balance, that's my current issue. I too easily slip into working all the time - school work or housework or both. That certainly happened this weekend. I really noticed the effects on coming home from work, where i felt on edge, irritable, tired - and yet, instead of taking time to relax, I set to with housework.

I forgot the break and lunch time relaxation task too. And the daily journalling. I'm not doing too well at the looking after myself bit at the moment.

I recognise too that triggers - major, fundamental, historical family ones - have been at work this weekend. I have taken steps to minimise them, but they are having an impact. My next counselling session isn't until Friday this week - wish it were sooner.

Oh well.

Focusing on the end point again now, stilling my breathing and trying to remind myself I don't have to do everything, don't have to be perfect.

Action plan -

Relaxation is a MUST.

Sleeping tablets - alternate nights may not be manageable just at the moment.

Daylight - I need to get more. Will try to fit in a lunchtime walk this week.

Breathe.....

Eight more days

That's how much of this school year is left. When I get on to counting the hours, it's time to worry.
I'm going through the motions now - living from day to day and lesson to lesson. I have to sit down tonight and formulate some kind of plan for my Maths lessons for the rest of this week - not easy. The rest of my lessons are "planned" - using that word in its loosest sense! I also need to finish off marking some work in preparation for my last ever lesson with certain classes. The timetable finishes next Wednesday after the first lesson, so for some classes from now on it will be my last session with them.

I also saw my new timetable today. It's OK. I have kept my Year 8 English (which I was under threat of losing) and my Year 8 ICT too. Those are good. Not so good is that I will not be teaching ICT in Y5 or Y7 next year - which is hard for me as ICT subject leader. Also not so good is that I will not get a non-teaching lesson each day, which has been an important part of my survival this year. However, the day on which I do not get a free lesson is Friday, and as the week pans out that looks manageable, so that will not be too major a problem, I hope. The other issue I already knew about, which is that I will continue to teach maths in Year 7 - my least confident subject and the one I have to do most preparation for. So all in all I am quite pleased.

Today was Sports Day. We weren't rained off, thannk goodness, though it was close. It's over for another year.

The rest of the week is "normal" in school (or as normal is it can be at this time of year). Lots going on at home though.

I recognise that I am struggling a bit, just in terms of general tiredness. Felt very tearful today - no obvious reason. Slightly disconnected at times too. Need to hang on to the grounding. Am not going to the gym tonight due to exhaustion. That may or may not be a good thing. I need to put in an alternative nurturing activity; perhaps I may have a bath in a while. Fich and chips takeaway tonight - yum!

Nurturing

Talked with C (CMHN) on Thursday, which was helpful. The (very sensible) idea is that I make sure I do the self nurturing activities. Trouble is, the times I find that hardest are when I most need to. I didn't manage to do the sewing I said I would do that night, but have done a little better since then. Yesterday I had my weekly gym session and asked J if we could do some Yoga. That was good - affirming in that I can do the stretches and the strength postures so much more easily than I used to be able to, and nurturing in that Yoga helps me with grounding and with mindfulness.
Today has been a busy and in many ways challenging day. It is my father's 70th birthday this week and today we travelled to join in a celebration meal. My brother and his wife and their new daughter were there, and two other people I knew - and 6 I had never met. Socialising for a whole day was quite a challenge for me. On returning home I took myself off for a long and luxurious bath (with some "LUSH" bath bubbles - very nice) and that has helped a bit.
Tomorrow I have various school-related tasks to complete, but I do have a massage booked for the evening, which will be good. I need to make sure I plan something specific for Tuesday, and then make sure I do it.