Rejoice the Voice Part 2

My CD arrived! I was VERY jealous of Lottie (who came with me to the Hitchin workshop) when she told me her CD had arrived, and mine had not. However, it was there when I got home the next day, and I have really enjoyed listening to it. It was like redoing the workshop! (Now am going to get out last year's CD for comparison purposes!)



Quite a few recent hits to this blog have come from "Rejoice the Voice" searches on Google - so "Hello" to anyone who was at Hitchin - and to Julie, Chris or Helen if they happen to click this way!



Such a good day - a chance to put a smile on my face again remembering it. So glad it wasn't this weekend though, with the horrendous cold I have at the moment. Timing is SO important.

:-)

Rejoice the Voice

What a wonderful day I have had. Rejoice the Voice was fantastic. Chris, Julie and Helen led us through old songs and new. We laughed and sang and listened to ourselves (thanks to Julie's portable recording studio!) I met up with Sally again which was lovely.

It made me remember that last year when I went on the workshop I was just starting to emerge from my depression. I said to Julie then that this was the first time I had laughed and smiled for a long time. It's been quite a year since then, with upsets and setbacks along the way, but I do feels o much stronger now than I did then, and I am starting to hope that I may have put the depression 9or at least this episode) behind me. Whether I will avoid future episodes is impossible to tell, but at the moment at least it doesn't feel like a life sentence - I do have hope. Today reminded me of that hope. Now I can look forward to receiving a CD of our singing in the next week or so.

A bit of a week

It's been a mad dash chaotic overloaded week. The pressure doesn't look like easing imminently, with SATs for our Year 6 pupils (on which we will be judged), reports to write, assessments to mark, liason meeting and all the other day to day school stuff. Then there is a course I am attending on Wednesday (which is good, and which will be useful, but which necessitates leaving lessons planned for others to teach - often harder to do than to teach the lesson myself. I have an appointment in connection with my experiences of being in crisis (some research BLPT psychology department are carrying out - that department have treated me well and so I am glad to help if I can); an appointment with my psychiatrist and E's last day at school (scarily she will be on study leave from Thursday!) And on Sunday I have my singing day! Lots of good things, but it does feel rather overloaded.

This week I have been trying out new technology - voting pads. It has gone OK, but has been stressful at times as is the way of technology. I've set - and partially marked - three Maths assessment papers (old KS3 papers). I've set (and not marked) one set of English writing papers. I've written online learning resources, negotiated attendance on courses, tried to soothe ruffled feathers and endeavoured to maintain good relationships with some tricky colleagues. I've also taken a long time to complete the latest three postcards. Hopefully I can be more productive in that area next week - making them is good for me.

And I have struggled with hayfever and lack of sleep. Stopping the antihistamines seems to have reduced (slightly) the exhaustion in the evenings, but waking at 5am every morning is not conducive to high energy levels. That needs to change - I can't keep this up. Sleeping tablet is promised to myself tonight, because hopefully it will enable me to doze off again.

Oh, and as far as the HCC commission goes, I have had no word for them about whether they have received my records. I suspect no news is NOT good news in this case. But anything is possible, I suppose...

This one's for me (and the rest of you too)

It's a wonderful life

Sunday positives

Got my planning done in record time.



Fantastic gig tonight....



...and I saw the lovely Sally there too.



Thanks for the hugs, Sally!

Beginnings and endings

Well, here it is. My first public post on a blog.

I'm not intending (at this stage) to tell you much about myself. The background I will give you is that I am a teacher, married with two daughters and a long-term sufferer from depression. There are lots more labels I could use to describe myself, but those are the first to come to mind.

I am intending to use this spot for musings on "life as it is now." Life as it is now is pretty uncomfortable at times, but enjoyable and interesting at others. Maybe this blog will help me to be as aware of the latter as I am of the former.

So, it's Monday. Unusually I am not at work. I've taken today off, sick - I badly need to recharge my batteries and have been falling apart at work for the last week. Optimistically, I am hoping that a day away will enable me to cope long term. We shall see. I've planned in activities to refresh and renew myself, though it seems very strange to be doing so. I'm filled with guilt about it despite the assurances of many others that this is clearly what I need to do.

Yesterday W and I went to a folk concert. I laughed and smiled - something I needed to do. The lineup included our favourite singers - Chris While and Julie Matthews - plus Chris' daughter Kellie, Helen Watson and Christine Collister. Highlights for me were the netball song - always a feel-good one, about how the past can be healed - and Chris and Kellie singing Broken Things, which nearly reduced me to tears. Above all, though, the enjoyment of all five singers was so infectious. Bought tickets for 6 more events, including Julie's solo tour and Chris and Kellie returning together in April.

I've been thinking about friends and friendships. I'd assumed I wasn't good at them, that I don't have friends, but recent events are conspiring to show me otherwise. Friends at work have been so supportive, so considerate and so appreciative of me - that has really helped in the middle of my current work stresses. I need to remember that and remember the comments that have been made. Friends at Church - where I have become a distant shadow in terms of attendance - have reminded me that they do care and want to help. I need to make a more determined effort to keep up with non-work friends in particular, which is hard to do when I see myself as worthless, but probably all the more important then, because they are showing me that I am worthwhile in their eyes. So I am going to put more effort into that side of my life, risk some rebuffs (which probably won't come, but which are a fear for me).

So that's some beginnings - this blog, and friendships. The ending part is harder to face up to - the ending of support from the psychologist I have been seeing for a year. That is very tough for me to deal with, and to allow to happen, and at the moment I am not sure I can do it. Not sure I know how to do it - I'll keep you posted on how it goes.