Friday, 29 February 2008

It's been a very rocky day today.

The school part was OK - well, the times in front of the classes were (except for the ghastly Y7 Maths, which I knew would be difficult). Times in the staff room were OK, but I kept drifiting off - I have been very dissociative today and it has bothered me a lot. A couple of other people spotted that I was "away with the fairies".

I had a gym session tonight. I thought I would be fine, but it was really hard. Several people seemed (to me) quite insensitive; like the chap in the gym who put rap music on really loud in the studio when ja nd I were working on something. Then the other chap who really invaded my space by barging into the equipment I was using, pulling a bench really close, cutting me off from my phone (which really bugged me). And then during the yoga there were a couple of really hard points, and another flashback of some kind....

Staying grounded is a battle I don't even know if I want to fight right now. It sometimes seems that not being in contact would be better than being in contact. I'm struggling here.


MMP said...

d'you know something....I couldn't even contemplate going to a gym. It's the worst sort of nightmare that would explode me to the far horizons.
Anything ...even REMOTELY like that.....has me freaking at a thousand mile an hour.

I think you are great to find something you like and that helps you and I'm therefore really sorry it was pants that day.

Disillusioned said...


The gym is usually OK. Unfortunately, yesterday definitely was not OK. I got a glimpse into your world, I guess, because I was definitely freaking out last night. Today has (fortunately) been less freaky, though extremely busy.