A bit of a wobble

Had a bit of a wobble over the last couple of days. Nothing major, and I have done my best to tackle it by looking at the causes and taking the action I could. But for a couple of days I have felt quite low, a return of the grey cloud.

There's a huge amount going on at work, just from the end of term approaching fast (yippee!) That means reports, trips out, trying to catch up on marking and assessments and all that stuff. Add to that the fact that I am determined to have the learning platform ready for pupils to use. That adds a lot to my work; there are four of us who are administrators but only two of us actually seem to be doing anything, and the other one is completely snowed under with other responsiblities at the moment. So a lot is down to me and I am trying to push things through (like getting pupil users added before September).
Then there is the fact that I have been asked whether I would be prepared to take a secondment for one day a week next year, working to support other schools, and to apply for this post. I'd love it; my head has agreed I can, and I now need to go through the process.
A side issue to this is how my timetable will change to accommodate it; the deputy head has discussed one solution with me which I am really not happy with, so am hoping he can come up with a change (I suggested a couple). His suggestion would involve me dropping the subject I am most qualified in, enjoy the most and have created tons of resources for this year.
H is changing schools this year and E moving in to 6th form - that brings its own challenges. Socially both girls have a lot going on in the next couple of weeks too, which brings added pressures.
I have physical issues going on at the moment. Saw the GP (not able to see either of my usual ones) yesterday and she was good, but it was very difficult to talk about. Hopefully she has given me something to knock it on the head.
Still waiting for a response from the Healthcare Commission.
I'm being kept very well informed by BLPT about the investigation into the poor state of my clinical records; those have been looked at by the Chief Operating Officer who has sent them back to the CMHT to be sorted out properly. However, that too is still in hand.
And, of course, the computer stuff hasn't helped. It took me the whole afternoon to find and copy our emails from the old hard drive and put them onto our new machine. Because we are using Vista the transfer was more complicated (of course!) and I couldn't just export the messages (tried to but it didn't work). So in the end I had to copy them all onto an external drive, folder by folder, and then drag them into our new Windows Mail set ups. Finding them was a nightmare; transferring them even worse! Thank goodness that is now done. The good news is that the hard drives seem fine, though I couldn't boot up Windows on E's machine from the old drive. That may be down to the different motherboard and CPU set up, though. I suspect the CPU/ motherboard on the old machine has died. Not sure whether we will try to rebuild it though.

So that is a summary of where things are for me at the moment. Courtesy of sleeping tablets I had my first decent night's sleep in a long while last night and that has made me feel better. Today I am going in to town with the girls; H needs a dress for her end of term dance and E still needs to get a necklace and bag for her prom. My treat is a trip to the library, though I may look at getting myself another summer dress too.

Information

"Knowledge is power".

I agree - not in the sense that knowledge brings control over others, but that knowledge brings a sense of control and security.

I received some more information from BLPT on Friday, connected to my complaint. I've mulled over whether this knowledge is dangerous to me or a good thing for me, and I come down very heavily on the latter.

Childhood was full of secrets. It was also full of assumed adult responsibilities - like keeping home relatively stable. To do that I needed information. I needed to know what threats were on the horizon. Knowledge, for me, is implicitly tangled in a sense of safety. I wonder for how many people that is the case? I don't do surprises well (my husband knows NEVER to throw a surprise party for me!) I'm OK in the immediacy of an unexpected event, but then tend to fall apart. I need to plan things out, look at possibilities and options. It's true whether the future event is good or bad. So knowledge for me (even of the bad bits) is helpful - it brings understanding and security.

I suppose the danger is that I will keep dwelling on what has happened, with all the dreadful repercussions of that horrible time. there is a balance to be struck here, I know. But I need to process what happened in order to move on. I can't process it without some understanding and to uderstand I need to know. So this latest information helps me in that moving on.

A mixed up day!

I thought, this morning, that I had a good handle on what was happening today. Well, I did - but as the day went on everything seemed subject to change, including the weather! The day began bright and sunny - it's now wet and gloomy.

I had to take my elder daughter to her friend's house (15 miles away) for a shopping trip to MK. Then I originally had a gym class planned, but changed that plan in the morning when my husband told me he had a meeting - leaving H on her own for 2 hours plus felt a bit unfair, even though I knew she would be fine. However, when I returned home with H (after buying her a new rug for her room, to celebrate its new tidy state and to cover the stain on the carpet!), W was home - the meeting was postponed till the afternoon. So off I went to the gym.

In the afternoon I had an appointment with D, my therapist. Except that I had a phone call to say it had to be postponed as D had gone home ill. Actually, what was really positive about this was that I didn't go into a flat spin and feel scared and abandoned. That was a big step forward for me, especially as we were due to look at some stuff on endings. Hope D is better soon though.

W is playing his first "gig" tonight (he and a mate, W has written ths songs, both are singing and playing guitar, folk / blues type stuff). His brother arrived unexpectedly early, with two of his children. H was very pleased to see the cousin nearest in age to herself. W arrived home soon afterwards, and then I had to do the return trip to collect E from her shopping trip. However, a phone call while I ws en route informed me that she would be late. She was - half an hour late. Which made tea a bit of a rush. However, W, his brother and oldest nephew have now left to set up the gig; I will follow on in about an hour with the three girls. Hopefully all will go smoothly.

I managed to get a few reports written. Tomorrow is set aside for E and I to take a shopping trip to find her prom dress. If there is time after that I must make a more determined onslaught on the reports - and the marking - and the planning! Saturday I need to take a trip into town with H to buy her some new clothes for her residential school trip in a couple of weeks - adn more reports. Somewhere in that I want to find time to enjoy my latest Amazon purchases - a book about making fabric postcards, and the DVD of the Osmonds 50th anniversary concert!

It's been a day of changes. I don't "do" changes well - but I am quite pleased that I have coped OK with the changes today.