Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Fast Forward



My GP suggested this is what I need - a FF button to get me through this "lumpy time" (her very perceptive words) of changing meds.

In the meantime she has encouraged me, explained her thinking and tried to help me believe it will all get better soon.

I'm trying to believe her, and supplementing that belief with the new meds, and the old sleeping tablets and anti anxiety medication.

I feel like crying (but can't most of the time), am sleeping poorly, not wanting to eat, feeling like all is grey, and struggling with the old thoughts of self harm and self hatred. Feeling tired all the time doesn't leave much energy for motivation and action. That in turn leads to feeling bad about myself because i don't feel I am getting things done. See, I know it is all a horribly negative cycle - it's just at the moment I can't seem to get myself out of it.
The reality is that I am still at work and doing an OK job. things are getting done, for the most part. Maybe not to the highest standards, but I am planning and delivering lessons. I've even done some marking.
Filing is another matter.

5 comments:

La-reve said...

If you find that FF button can I borrow it, I seem to be stuck in pause at the moment or even rewind. Hope things improve for you anyway. x

Disillusioned said...

If I find it I think it may be in big demand... But I will be sure to let you know.

Mandy said...

Hi there C

I am still stuck in 'Has anyone seen my marbles?' mode.

Fingers crossed the transition phase on new meds gets smoother and there is something positive to come from taking them. See, in spite of being more than a tad sceptical about the uses of meds, I still live in hope that these will work for you.

And if they don't work, well honey, there is plenty more when they came from.

I am still holding out for the blue smarties, meself.

Hugs

MMP said...

one week and a half to go
and only
one
day
at
a
time!

Disillusioned said...

Thanks Mandy and mmp.