Thursday, 24 April 2008

Thursday afternoon

Lyrics here.

Another good day. I lost my non contact because of a whole school activity - oh well. The drama lesson "exceeded expectations" - mine, at any rate!

Have been thinking about the "tea and cake" type meetings The Shrink mentions here. I can see that, now I am in recovery (I hope!) my meetings with the various health professionals I meet with (currently psychiatrist 3 monthly, CMHN monthly, therapist fortnightly, and GP monthly) could degenerate into that type of approach. However, at the moment I feel this contact is really important to me. It's starting to develop into fortnightly appointments (having been weekly for quite some time) and I'm feeling comfortable about the change. I'm hoping to develop it further so that the meetings become monthly, but I don't feel I am "quite there" yet.

Part of this feeling is due to historical issues around abandonment. After the disastrous experiences last time I felt able to reduce contacts (when I ended up with no contacts at all and rapidly deteriorated into crisis) I have been very wary of suggesting my contacts could start to be spaced out. It's a measure of the trust I have form my new CMHT that I am even able to consider this.

It's also a safety net. I discussed this with C tonight and again with my GP today. Having the appointments in place makes me feel safer, and that in turn acts as a barrier against deterioration. Strictly speaking I might not "need" fortnightly appointments at the moment, but knowing they are in place makes me feel able to take risks and feel OK about doing so. It means I know if things do go wrong, I don't have the additional stress of trying to get an appointment to talk about it. (When things are difficult it is even more difficult for me to ask for help, and so I don't do so. If the help is already in place I know I can talk about my needs). So the fortnightly appointments mean that I am less likely to become unwell and need even more support (and probably end up off work).

I struggle with feeling guilty at the help I am getting. However, weighing up the costs, an hour a fortnight is enabling me to be at work full time and not to need as many medications. Surely that has to be a good deal?


Catherine said...

For awhile I was in crisis and I was seeing my therapist every two weeks (usually it is a month - two months). Since I am doing better though this last appointment felt like "cake and tea". But it seems like if I try to go off on my own after a spurt of not doing well, I fall back into old habits.

Disillusioned said...

Sounds just like me, Catherine. I think it should be classes as preventative care myself. I am fairly sure that at some point I will not need this level of support - but at the moment I do.

MMP said...

It is a good deal...

mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Hi C,

Is good to hear that you feel that you are in recovery. As in that you sense it, are part of it and feel positive about it.

You know I have issues around recovery but that is about being dictated to recover. Healing and feeling better are what it should be about, for me. Rather than a word that is misused adn actually means different things to different people.

Anyway, is good that you are feeling postive and are more comfortable to have more space between meetings with MH peeps.

Tea and cake. You know I would love to have tea and cake with my psychiatrist. There is something nurturing about that. Something less stuffy and clinical and also isn't it the case when people hit crisis someone says "Shall I put the kettle on?". Well those who have people around to help in crisis. Tea is a central part of something that brings people together and bonds them. Or perhaps I am writing crap!

And perhaps I can take some carrot cake along to my next appointment.


Disillusioned said...

Thanks, mmp. I think so too.

Mandy, I know you have issues with recovery. I'd define what I am now as "feeling right". Right for me, that is. It's not right for everyone, I know, and probably doesn't fit everyone else's definition of "normal". Agree with the ideas about "tea and cake" and like the idea of taking along some cake to your next appointment. Maybe your psychiatrist would appreciate it too?!