talking with C today was useful. Raised lots of challenges for me. Things (as ever) which it would be good if I could change.
One thing which came up over and over is that I have an internal view of myself as weak and incapable. I fear failing - so much so that sometimes I don't even try to succeed. Not so much in work stuff, but in terms of my own emotional journey, my own coping resources - I see myself as inherently unable to cope, to survive without support.
And yet - as C pointed out to me - I have coped. I have survived. I survived really tough times, and I am coping much better with minor crises than I was even six months ago. The crises are minor - over in days rather than dragging on for weeks or months. I'm not falling to pieces. But I still don't believe that I can cope, that I can do this. I need to recognise where I am strong and how I can look after myself. Not sure what the key to that is, but knowing I need to find that key has to be a start.