Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Self image

talking with C today was useful. Raised lots of challenges for me. Things (as ever) which it would be good if I could change.

One thing which came up over and over is that I have an internal view of myself as weak and incapable. I fear failing - so much so that sometimes I don't even try to succeed. Not so much in work stuff, but in terms of my own emotional journey, my own coping resources - I see myself as inherently unable to cope, to survive without support.

And yet - as C pointed out to me - I have coped. I have survived. I survived really tough times, and I am coping much better with minor crises than I was even six months ago. The crises are minor - over in days rather than dragging on for weeks or months. I'm not falling to pieces. But I still don't believe that I can cope, that I can do this. I need to recognise where I am strong and how I can look after myself. Not sure what the key to that is, but knowing I need to find that key has to be a start.

2 comments:

mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Hi D

I wasn't going to comment because I thought I wouldn't be much support but you know, even if I am in a weird place, I can still read what you are doing and about the journey you are taking.

And I want to share that I enjoy reading what you write and am pleased that C is able to help you look at the positives in the way you have coped. Even if it is just the fact that you have coped.

I think you do fab.

Hope you get some sweet dreams tonight.

:>)

Disillusioned said...

Thank you Mandy

I need to get enthused about something, I think. Books are one possibility - have found a site where I can download free classic children's books, and with links to booklists which look good, and another site promoting book sharing. So maybe books will give me a way of feeling I am achieving something.