Wednesday, 26 March 2008


Reading lots at the moment to try and work things out within myself.

Some of my recent reading has highlighted the need to "stay" with issues, to recognise the emotions involved and to identify signs that I might be running away by dissociating. I really need to work on this. I need to be ready to pick up on the signals that I am escaping and do something about them, even though everything inside me wants to take the escape route. I can see this is a big one for me and I am really scared of it. But I am not sure I can make the progress I want to unless I avoid the avoidance. I need to connect with those painful issues. I want to - and yet self preservation urges me not to.

A busy day ahead today. E has a revision day at school, so I have an hour long round trip to take her there. Then I have a gym session booked, followed by a class, and then I am due to meet with C. This afternoon I really really need to get round to doing some school work - assessments to mark, schemes of work to write, online resources to create and all sorts of other stuff to do.

I guess I should build in some me time too...

Ho hum.


MMP said...

self preservation is very good at doing just that, without it where would be be?
Inna mess is where.

maybe the key is to know when and how we move out of that coping phase into a living phase?
first person to identify that writes a best seller!

but my own opinion is that it's a personal thing.
Only you will know when it's ok to let go of the life jacket, coz you ain't in stormy waters anymore.....
you've been washed up in the shallows and there's the lights of a safe home waiting for you.

happy struggling to your feet
and don't panic if you slip on the's just mud

MMP said...

( which will make a mess but is a damn site better than 100 ft deep carry the analogy to screaming point)

Disillusioned said...

Thank you...

When is a big question. Sometimes i am aware that I am forcing things through - I need time to accept this new understanding of what makes me me. I want to climb out of the mud, but sometimes slow and steady is better than all of a rush. And I am not sure this can be rushed...
How is another big question, and one to which there is no absolute answer. I need to find the right way for me. Am reading a lot, trying to understand it all.

I like the analogy - it makes sense to me. Thanks.

MMP said...