Saw C today - it was useful.
She will come to my next outpatients' appt with Dr K with me. D has spoken to him about ongoing help with the abuse issues. Next Tuesday (when I have my appt) we will talk about the possibilities, apparently. That feels scary but C has said she will talk to him before then to fill in some detail and I won't need to go in to any detail with him.
We talked about my lack of energy and lack of motivation. She thinks it might be connected to my controlling my eating (ie trying not to, skipping meals) and also to the cold I have had.
We talked about control and how I can feel more in control at the moment. We discussed the lack of structure during holidays. I am going to identify 5 tasks for each day. So tomorrow my tasks are:
Take E to sleepover
Take H to have her ears pierced and to buy some new jeans
Cook some meals for the freezer
Cut out the fabric for the bags I want to make (to store school supplies in so I can transport them more easily between lessons)
We also talked about the need for further help with the abuse issues - I said how insistent Dr M had been that I need specialised help and support. We agreed that this could be the last piece in the jigsaw and talked about how working through this could enable me to understand myself and cope better. I said how I felt that if I can look at things in a supportive environment I will be able to understand more why I am as I am, and that will help me to cope. Just like learning about schemas and how my schemas are triggered has made it much easier for me to cope with them. But I need to find a way of integrating things and I can't do that on my own.
This afternoon E and I did some cooking (H was with a friend). That was good. We made some potato dishes and some quiches - had quiche for tea and also have some to put in the freezer. Tomorrow I plan to make a variety of mince dishes, also for the freezer. Should all make it easier when term starts, and also lessen my guilt about W doing most of the day to day cooking.