Friday, 25 July 2008

High Low Dolly Pepper *

(* An internet search will probaby reveal the origin of this.)

Carrying on from a previous post, this is about how to help, I suppose. Or at least, what I am finding helps me at the moment, and what others have suggested helps them in similarly difficult situations.

Yes, there has been an upturn in my mood over the last few days. Hooray! I've been trying to work out why:
1. Medication? After I started to deteriorate, I stopped my antidepressants. This is something of a pattern for me - wanting to stop meds when others might argue I need them most. However, it is very closely linked for me with taking control. At times of mental health crisis I feel out of control and often unable to take control. Meds are one thing I can control, and, I think, doing so helped me to feel less powerless. When I started them again it was my decision.
I started back on my meds two days ago. My mood has improved since then - probably more rapidly than can be accounted for by chemical results from taking the seratonin. I think it is as much accounted for by feeling more in control generally.
2. Sunlight. With the holidays starting I have been able to spend more time outside. I know that sunlight has a massive effect on my mood.
3. Decrease in flashbacks. I think partly this is because the immediate flooding of memories has been gone through to some extent. It was overwhelming at the time. I am still struggling to sleep through the night (even with sleeping tablets) though. The huge impact of remembering some of the things I have remembered for the first time can't be underestimated.
4. Less uncertainty about the future. As last year, it felt like I was facing the absence of a lot of support all at the same time. I did feel fine about stopping sessions with D - then came the flashbacks, and the realisation that other sources of support were (again) absent. Having delayed the final session (no date set as yet) I now know that my GP will be back from holiday, and my pastor and his wife are also home. I've also had a f2f meeting with my CMHN, which was helpful.
5. Bridges - the holiday tomorrow is one of these. Even though at the moment I am jittery, I know I will be fine when we get going.
6. Support, support, support. From internet friends, from professionals, from helplines. Oh yes.
So, lots of factors - here's hoping. More on this to follow.

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