Friday, 11 July 2008

Decisions, decisions...

More flashbacks today. Not as vivid or as lengthy as the last ones, but still troubling.

I really don't know what to do about trying to address this. I had made my mind up (and said to D) that I wanted a break from working on things, a break from therapy, before returning (as I knew I would need to at some point) to the childhood memories and partial memories. Then things seemed to press in; D commented on the impact these things are having on my life now and said maybe now is the time to address them. I'm still not sure, though I totally respect her suggestion. As she said, it seems as if things are surfacing and they certainly are having an impact. But i don't want to go from one therapy / therapist to another. D says she does not have the experience and training needed to help me deal with these things, nor does C. I understand that. But am I ready to start all over again with someone else? Is that what I want? And where on earth would I find such a person? How could I find someone trained to address the abuse issues and the dissociation, and all the other stuff? I really don't know.

On the other hand, waiting brings its own problems. If i take a break, there is a very real danger the issues will not go away and will in fact get worse. There is an equal danger that I will push them down and deny them, leaving them to fester.

I've tried looking at some of these things with a workbook. I couldn't do it.

Someone I talked to suggested EMDR. I don't know about that either.

Ho hum.


mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Flashbacks and delving. Tough call but sometimes, and I think maybe sometimes flashbacks are warranting some kind of attention.

Not that I am an expert although I get flashbacks of my own. Horrid things.

You can roll with it and see where it goes or try and put it in a pending file in the brain (if possible). Whatever, go gently on yourself as you do.


Rainbow dreams said...

don't know bout EMDR -have heard some good things about it and nothing bad, but guess it's worth looking at if it might help, x