More flashbacks today. Not as vivid or as lengthy as the last ones, but still troubling.
I really don't know what to do about trying to address this. I had made my mind up (and said to D) that I wanted a break from working on things, a break from therapy, before returning (as I knew I would need to at some point) to the childhood memories and partial memories. Then things seemed to press in; D commented on the impact these things are having on my life now and said maybe now is the time to address them. I'm still not sure, though I totally respect her suggestion. As she said, it seems as if things are surfacing and they certainly are having an impact. But i don't want to go from one therapy / therapist to another. D says she does not have the experience and training needed to help me deal with these things, nor does C. I understand that. But am I ready to start all over again with someone else? Is that what I want? And where on earth would I find such a person? How could I find someone trained to address the abuse issues and the dissociation, and all the other stuff? I really don't know.
On the other hand, waiting brings its own problems. If i take a break, there is a very real danger the issues will not go away and will in fact get worse. There is an equal danger that I will push them down and deny them, leaving them to fester.
I've tried looking at some of these things with a workbook. I couldn't do it.
Someone I talked to suggested EMDR. I don't know about that either.