Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Climbing back

It's turning out to be a funny old week.
School is very different this week. We're holding an "Arts Week" - normal curriculum dispensed with, pupils in mixed age houses and working on one theme each day. We have Dance, Drama, Art, Music, and Creative Media. I had my doubts at first, and was very anxious about change and different routines (no surprise there, then!) but am really enjoying the experience. The school is buzzing, fantastic work is being produced, I'm adding it to the website daily and enjoying five whole days of ICT. Pupils working with me have made movies and distorted images (of their faces) using a photo editing package. Great fun.
I've also been pleasantly surprised by the general lifting of my spirits. I'm starting to feel I'm getting my bounce back. Staff at school have commented positively. Yes, things have been tough at times but generally it's looking hopeful.
Part of this is due to some pressures being removed - even though others have taken their place. Part of it (much as I hate admitting it) has been a result of my reluctant decision to raise the dose of my second antidepressant back to "normal" (I hate that admission!) Part of it is probably the passing of time and my mood changing. Whatever, it's good.

Today's meeting went OK, I think. I was very nervous, didn't know what to say, but I'm hoping it will work out OK. I talked with D about how the ending of my psychotherapy sessions back in the summer could have been a positive experience, had other parties within BLPT maintained the additional support agreed, and had the whole process of transferring teams been made easy. I can already see that, hard as the change between care coordinators is to go through (and it will be even harder when my additional sessions with D end), this could provide a counter, that this could be the positive experience of a supported, successful ending that I need. I really hope it will be, and appreciate that D and her team have put things in place to help me to feel more secure. Ultimately, I have to go through it to believe that it will be OK - and that similar situations in the future can be OK too.


Rainbow dreams said...

Arts week sounds good - and sounds as if you've taken a lot from it.
I am hoping and praying that this process of transfer to a new care coordinator goes well - the fact you can discuss this with D is positive and hopeful.
Take care, Katie

Disillusioned said...

Thanks Katie.

I'm hoping and praying too. The major obstacle, I am sure, is my lack of confidence and trust. I'm working on that, but it is hard.