Sunday, 9 November 2008

What to do...?

I have spent all afternoon doing work related stuff. I didn't cook. but then, I have felt "poorly sick" today. Not sure how much is a reaction - feels like i have had a migraine, bad head and queasy all day.

I should probably contact my CPN again but am scared to for all sorts of reasons. Our last meeting was difficult, on both sides I suspect. I was very dissociative. She has left it to me to contact her. I can't reach out easily at the moment. Just to add to the problem, I don't know where she is any more. The teams have all changed, and part of me is scared to contact her because there is a very good (read "very bad!") chance that she has moved to the team where I had huge problems, which I never want to be associated with again. When I saw the psychiatrist he said he would make sure I was allocated to the other team and that I might well have a new CPN, but I have heard nothing. I asked D, my previous CC who has always been really supportive, to find out whether he had managed this, but I have heardnothing from either of them as yet. I don't want to pester and I am afraid of the answer.
I see J tomorrow, which is good.
I was due to see my GP this week, but I have had to postpone that due to our school open evening.
I'm due to see my psychiatrist again (trusting that he will continue to see me, as he promised) next month.

I have cleared a few things from my to do list, including some quite major tasks like writing up my consultancy work. I managed to plan all my lessons, which is a weight off my mind. Tomorrow I will be able to get home early. On Tuesday there is a consultancy related meeting that i could go to, but quite probably won't. It's optional. On Wednesday I have a decidedly non-optional Open Evening at school. Thursday I have a course rather than my usual consultancy day, and Friday will be the usual manic full day of teaching.


La-reve said...

That sounds like an awful hectic week to me love, I hope you can cope with it all and if you can hats off to you. I think maybe contact your CPN and tell them your struggling, although would you be able to fit seeing them into all that? Sorry not much useful to say in a can;t sit down moment and only logged on for minute am off to re-arrange my kitchen cupboards now.

Take it easy if you can

Lareve x

marcella said...

I do agree that it would be difficult to fit in a face to face meeting with the CPN and might make you even more exhausted. Can you just leave a message or drop her a written note (I know, where to? what number? the constant game of musical chairs within MH services is dreadful)

Disillusioned said...

Thanks both.
You're both right - I can't see where and when I would fit in an appointment. And I have no idea where to contact her - and no way will I risk having my need of support get through to the manager of the BE team. I don't even know if she IS my CPN any more - it's just as likely that she isn't. I don't know if my psychiatrist has arranged a new team (on paper I *should* be with the BE team) and/or a new CPN. I don't even know if I am in the "system" any more...

Mandy said...

Hi C

It seems very busy for you. I think it is enough to be dealing with your workload (and home life) without having to negotiate (and re negotiate) with different members of MH teams.

Appreciate frustration.

I think the idea of Marcella's of dropping a note or perhaps talking over the phone (when time is available) would save the awkwardness of face to face meetings that aren't comfortable or helpful.

I actually might think on using those options for myself as I find meetings with CC more annoying than useful.

Take it easy on yourself

marcella said...

Howabout dropping a note to your GP asking her if she could find out where you are in the system. Ten to one you won't be her only patient who is wondering what the heck is going on.

Disillusioned said...

Note to GP is a good idea Marcella. Not sure I am up to approaching the team. Have previously found phone calls and emails helpful - often more so that f2f meetings - but having been criticised for that (by the previous team) am reluctant to even attempt it again. Will think on the note to GP.