... it scares me but I need to admit this somewhere.
The self harming is increasing. I don't feel in control when I do it. In fact, I'm not really conscious of doing it. I'm scratching words I believe about myself on my arms. It's not that it makes me feel better, it's more that i feel I have to do it. i want to do more but can't. it's a hidden thing - I have told J about it but nobody else irl knows i am doing it.
I don't want to stop either. No - I don't feel I can stop. It has to happen.