Sunday, 2 November 2008

Honesty

... it scares me but I need to admit this somewhere.

The self harming is increasing. I don't feel in control when I do it. In fact, I'm not really conscious of doing it. I'm scratching words I believe about myself on my arms. It's not that it makes me feel better, it's more that i feel I have to do it. i want to do more but can't. it's a hidden thing - I have told J about it but nobody else irl knows i am doing it.

I don't want to stop either. No - I don't feel I can stop. It has to happen.

6 comments:

La-reve said...

Sorry you are feeling th need to self harm and not able to discuss it with anyone really. I do think you should metionit to someone if it is getting more often and more serious as clearly you need more support or diff medication, I was told put an elastic band around your wrist and pull it hard when you get those urges doesn;t work for everyone tho. Stay safe
Lareve x

Kathryn said...

you are being brave and moving towards asking for help in posting here...that's good...It's bringing hard things out into the daylight, even while you try to keep them hidden...and that's something that's very much part of what is happening for you overall right now.
Honesty is frightening and painful sometimes, but it's almost always the route to healing. You are valued and accepted as you are...The words you choose to label yourself are not the only reality...You are unique, precious, beloved.
And I'm praying, here and now.

marcella said...

Sorry things are tough - you are very brave to admit it to yourself and to us.

Mandy said...

Hi C

Not sure what to write about the self harming. I won't write don't do it because if you feel you have to then who am I to say you can't?

It worries me, more if it gets out of control and you are putting yourself in danger. I do trust your judgement but don't want you to hurt yourself anymore than you already are. Hugs in place of anything concrete I can write that might help.

xx

Disillusioned said...

Thank you all for the understanding. It's complicated and difficult and tied up with so many things. I appreciate your support.

CalumCarr said...

Disillusioned. Sorry I've been so long in commenting. I thought I had already but obviously not.

You have done well to tell us online. That couldn't have been easy but it is the right way to go.

I can't better Kathryn's words and so I use them now with thanks.

"You are valued and accepted as you are...The words you choose to label yourself are not the only reality...You are unique, precious, beloved."