Sunday, 24 August 2008

One week to work it out

I'm still trying to think of exactly what I do want to happen in this last session. Leaving aside, of course, the fact that actually I don't want this last session to happen at all. Or at least, not yet. I've been putting together some kind of representation of my "therapy journey". Yes, it has been a lengthy one - but I have moved on so much. There's something which feels intrisically "unfair" that the person I have been able to tell about the abuse has to walk away. It also feels to my child self as if I am being "punished" for telling. Lots of echoes there - and I'm going to hit the post button now, not knowing how long I can leave this post up for.


Silvawingz said...

I wish you well with this - It must be difficult. Thinking of you

MMP said...

well, if the button Is hit, this comment goes with it!

A while ago I has some turned out the counsellor was also an art therapist...and a quaker.

Only had a very few sessions in the end- maybe six or eight altogether. Actually I think less.

At the time I couldn't quite see how that few sessions could possibly constitute any type of 'putting together the pieces' or 'making sense'. At all.

But we'd used art-y stuff, when I couldn't talk...I could doodle or place a colour, draw a line higher or lower or even just make a mark.
That last session I drew something that, at the time, wasn't very relevant and most certainly wasn't technically 'good'.
But I added to it when I got home, glued some words or a phrase on it and put it on a small portion of a wall that was mine, in our home.

One day I didn't need it there anymore. Something else was more important. I don't even know where it is now and I can't remember throwing it away.
But at the time I would look at this paper every day and remember again the emotions of safety and security that those colours and words birthed in me.
The link between the security of a counselling room and the home where i didn't know if i could cope.

I may be talking rubbish- if so hit the delete button!

Disillusioned said...

Thanks Silvawingz and MMP.

What you say rings true, MMP, and ties in with what I am trying to do - only inspiration seems to have totally disappeared. Perhaps I should make it as a series of fabric postcards... now actually...