Sunday, 17 February 2008

Pre-school anxiety

I think that's what it is, anyway.

Had a really bad night last night. Vivid dreams and nightmares, very disturbed and disturbing. Lots of ruminating thoughts today, plus an inability to actually do anything. Need to do my preparation for lessons this week and not really sure where to start, though I am sure it will sort itself out. Lots to do in the house too - so why haven't I done any of it this morning?
Toying with taking some valium to reduce the anxiety but not sure if it will help or hinder the planning.


The logical part of me knows the return to school will be fine. It's the emotional part of me that is struggling.


MMP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MMP said...

crumbs, hash of that!

meant to say,
THAT's what I'm supposed to be doing.
Lesson Plans.
I'll be starting now in a minute...

Disillusioned said...

Done mine now. The one hour turned into two or three... and I haven't done them all (but have done tomorrow's - mostly.) Haven't done the marking. Haven't sorted the laundry either. But did cook a nice roast meal.

mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Hi D,

And there was me thinking I was the only one struggling last night.

That is no consolation to either of us but it is how it is. As in, one minute ticking along okayish and the next it's Malice in Blunderland.

I had a friend stay over since Friday. That should have made things easier but at around midnight I was losing it/myself again BIG TIME. Friend had gone to bed and I didn't want to wake them and burden them with my chaos, so I rang another friend (and burdened them instead). Bless them. They are the one that gets to burn the midnight oil with a crazed banshee.

I dropped half a had gone beyond the stomach breathing exercises and pozzy reinforcement 'it will all be fine' type comments (they really don't make any difference when I am in panic mode).

I am sure people must think "First sign of anything and she is dropping 'em (the tablets) like smarties". Not the case, I had managed 2 days without any. It is just I know my own terror and how quickly it escalates. Not sure how your 'wobbles' go but in the absense of respite care then only lozees and a kind soul prepared to listen to daft ramblings will do.

I hope it doesn't get to the point that the only thing that is actually working for me will be taken away. I can see the CEO saying "I am afraid, we have had to close all our respite accommodations and now we are going to take away your medication away as it does not fit our modernastion of the mentally ill programme".

I might then have to put on a suit and head for Trust HQ.....(because, remember, nobody stops a service user in a suit -especially if I am wielding a hacksaw at the time).

Hope your Sunday is easing for you and whether you take the Valium or not you get a better night's rest.


Disillusioned said...

Thanks Mandy

Yes, yesterday and today have been ahrd for me too. Sorry about your stresses. Know what you mean about there being a point where only medication will work. I managed to stave off that point today - but will be using sleeping tabs tonight; I can't afford a third crappy night in a row.

An online friend of mine apparently has a reputation for "office trashing", particularly when it comes to health organisations not responding appropriately. With regards to BLPT, at times I am tempted to follow her example. So, if you take that route, let me know...
Hoping for a better night for both of us.

Rainbow dreams said...

Hi Caroline, will be thinking of you. Thank you for your comment - much appreciated and very welcome, x
I still have lots of house work to do...and papaerwork that should have been done last week.. where has the week gone?


mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Hi D

Not sure if this is of any interest, or use, to you but it was sent in an e:mail to me and thought, of all the people I know, you were the most likely to relate:

Planning for Quality - An Anticipatory Checklist

If you would like to order a copy (free of charge) of the above book
please reply to this email with you full postal address.

This checklist is intended to help organisations to provide quality
learning opportunities for people with mental health difficulties.

Under the Disability Discrimination Act it is an anticipatory duty of
the educational provider to make reasonable adjustments for learner with
mental health difficulties, rather than wait until a person applies to a

Anticipating the individual and varied needs of people with mental
health difficulties can be particularly challenging for educational
providers. Getting it right for this group of learners will make it
more likely that providers can meet the need of all learners.

While the Anticipatory Checklist is aimed primarily at managers or
tutors with responsibility for learner with mental health difficulties,
the implementation of the Disability Dissemination At is a whole
organisational responsibility.

Each section has a short introduction to explain how it relates to
learners with mental health difficulties. With exemplars of good
practice and comments from learners, each section links to the Common
Inspection Framework. A model Action Plan for organisations is also



Susan Rees
Administrator (NIACE/NIMHE(part of CSIP)/LSC Par tnership Programme)
Health and Disability Equality Team NIACE
21 De Montfort Street
0116 2044256

The NIACE-led Commission for Disabled Staff in Lifelong Learning is
investigating current practices in the employment of disabled people.
For more information, including how to submit evidence, please visit:

mandy lifeboats appeal said...

P.S. Hope your first day back at work was fine and you maintained the levels you needed to.

Bye for now

Disillusioned said...

Katie, thank you. My half term week has shot by and today we have hit the ground running.

Mandy, thanks for the info. Will think about this.

More on my day when I blog - it's been interesting...