Silence

Silence is the hardest of all things for me to cope with.

Why? because that is the weapon my Mum used. When I did something she didn't like, when I said something she didn't want me to say, what did she do? She stopped talking to me.

So silence, especially when I have asked for help, sends me spiralling down. It makes me act irrationally. It makes me try to elicit communication. Any communication. Because any communication is so much better than silence.

That's probably alien to many of you. For many of you, silence probably is not an issue at all. But to me it is the most damaging thing you could ever do. Ignoring me makes me feel like I don't exist. It makes me desperate to prove I do exist, desperate to explain myself clearly (because surely it must be my fault that I am not making myself clear.). But you have to understand that, to me, silence is the most damaging thing you can give me. It destroys me. It is destroying me.