Got through another day - and without adding any more physical damage. The week is easier. D phoned me - she is so kind to me and is helping so much. I see her on Wednesday, with a psychiatrist I have not met before.
Phoned a friend yesterday evening when things got really bad (W was out) and that helped massively. She is of the opinion that BLPT are never going to give me the apology I seek and that i should stop fighting because doing so is damaging me so much. But i have a feeling that stopping without resolution would also damage me so much. If only the response had followed through from the meeting, if only all the things (and I have it in writing) which it was promised would be addressed, had been addressed. If only they had apologised for them, and worked out how they happened, and identified how to stop it happening to others.
I could give up for me (maybe!) but I can't give up for others who can't fight this damaged, closed-ranks, system - this system which seems to repeatedly deny there are any problems except the service users.
There are all the right words in their policies, procedures and board meetings - but attitudes remain in the "closed ranks" position, protecting their own and their reputation. How much of a disaster would it take to cause even a chink in that formation, I wonder - and can I really achieve anything, for me or for others?
I did have an email from the CEO yesterday. He has been ill, hence no response from his office. I still don't understand, however, why it is that nobody even acknowledged receipt of my emails - that wouldn't have taken much, would it? I have the scary feeling of them wanting to ignore me in the hope i will go away. It came too close to my ultimate disappearance last weekend for me to feel safe just now.