... are, in many places, as much a work of fiction as any novel I have read.
They are more biased than a tabloid newspaper, full of opinion (slanderous in places) and half-truths. Imagine how I felt reading that "she phones / emails on a daily basis" (err, hello, but I was encouraged to ASK for the support I needed, and only made daily contact in times of crisis); or a statement from a one-time co-ordinator that "we may have to offer her support but I think she will be with us for life." (Well, that's a positive start!)
Two things stand out:
D, my psychologist, has consistently argued with CMHT that I NEED support, DESERVE, support, MUST HAVE support. He has made positive comments about how hard I have worked and how I needed support while feeling vulnerable and attempting to put into place the changes he and I had worked on. He has stated my needs clearly and objectively and, very politely, identified the ways in which I have been failed by CMHT.
M, the team manager, has consistently made and accepted derogatory statements about me, given half truths and exagerations as fact, ignored and attempted to evade D's arguments and written negatively about me to all concerned.
I'm trying to ensure I focus on the positives in terms of how I see myself. My new CPN was brilliant in that. She highlighted that her team (as opposed to M's team) work very differently. She was at pains to assure me that I am not difficult, and that I do deserve and need support while I put into place the results of the work I did with D. She was clearly horrified at some of the comments in my records. She urged me to continue to ask for help when I need it and to listen to D's positive voice not M's negative one.
I'm feeling battered but also realising that i have more evidence for my complaint and the forthcoming meeting. Still trying to work out who I can ask to come with me.
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7 comments:
Praying for closure, from ninny people who never even Thought.. you would Ever!... read what they have written.
Oh dearie me.
Chicken flapping in to roost.
You've ruffled a fair few feathers my dear.
There may be chicken poo flying around.
To counter balance rubbish you've had to read, can I offer an opinion about you...
In Print as well?
"Caroline has changed how I act and what I say in certain situations. I am better for coming across her. She is an encourager."
"Through her blog and in her postings elsewhere, I am challenged to belive that I can create something beautiful and succeed."
"And I have!"
"Because of Caroline I view my time in another way altogether"
And last but by no means least:
"Because of Caroline, I got in touch with someone who I've never met, but whose writings have had a profound effect on me for over 25yrs, I am so grateful to her for this."
:) :) :) :) :)
Thank you so much for this. You may never realise how much of a difference your post made to how I am feeling, or how far it went to counteract what I have read about myself today.
Not sure I know what to say, sweetie.
mmp's vision of the upset in the chicken coop sums up the situation nicely, I'd say, and since you knew already that you had a low opinion of M and a high opinion of D, maybe it's not surprising that their assessments of your situation are as they are.
There was an offer implicit in my comment on your previous post, btw...though it's not easy to confirm it since you don't know quite when the meeting will be.
But at least you can regard it as a safety net, if that would help.
Sending waves of love and prayers
not sure what to say - bt sending plenty of hugs
xc
Again not sure what to say except to send hugs if they are welcome. Medical notes are always a difficult thing - most of them even when discussing appendicitis, are much more opinion than fact and as Kathryn said, you had a pretty good idea that M's opinion would be hostile whereas D's was helpful.
Like MMP I'll offer an opinion too. Please take it for what it's worth - MY opinion.
Caroline has helped me enormously to understand depression and therefore what my husband may be feeling. Her expressive and clear writings have helped our marriage where professional texts have failed and the intervention of the psychiatric community has been very counter-productive. For this I would like to publicly thank her.
sending hugs and love, am pleased you finally got to read your notes, a hard thing to do too, take care, am thinking of you,x
Oh, gulp...
Kathryn, thank you for your kind offer as well as your reminders. I am trying to put the comments I have read int he context of their source. What still upsets me is how untrue or partial several of them are.
Caroline, katie - your love and hugs are (as ever) greatly appreciated.
Marcella, thank you for the encouragement and positive feedback. It helps me to keep things in perspective and to feel that, foul as this depression has been, at least something good may have come out of it.
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