Still here...

...and not quite sure how or why. The random acts of kindness coming my way are a major factor I know. The faith of others in me and for me, the arrows of prayers sent up on my behalf - all these are holding me and I am starting to feel that.

Yesterday evening my closest friend from school came round. Very opportune, as hubby was out and I felt very unsafe. She was there when I was phoned with an "explanation" of why I have still not been contacted by management (to summarise, I am just not high enough on their list of priorities right now) and was there to hold me while I cried afterwards.

Yesterday Kathryn offered her time and support so generously.

I saw my GP and he offered his support. Then afterwards, as I broke down in front of the receptionists in tears, they listened, and one came out to hug me and reassure me that I have done nothing wrong.

Today I logged on to find such thoughtful and supportive comments here. I read of total strangers thinking of me and praying for me.

Today my husband picked up how difficult things are and offered to take the girls to school, to save me the drive and allow me to take the valium the GP prescribed for me.

I'm overwhelmed by such kindness and warmth, particularly as I feel so worthless. Thank you all so much.

I'm trying to take on earlier advice and tackle things one step at a time. I've promised my husband and my friend that I will eat some lunch today (yesterday I ate only half a slice of toast). My other target for change will be the self harm.