I've been introduced to something which gives me hope. When I saw my wonderful (Christian) GP last week, he talked about the difference between being saved and being released. Talking with my equally wonderful pastor and his wife yesterday, we discussed this further and they mentioned a book (Neil T Anderson "Victory over the Darkness"). Later yesterday they dropped off a copy. I dipped into it last night and found it terrifying in its life changing (for me) potential. I have a list of statements about "Who I am in Christ" which comes from the book. At the moment I find many of the statements difficult if not impossible to believe, but I can see how things would change if I could believe them. And I feel a glimmer of hope.
But just remind me, would you, that I mustn't race back to work before I actually am ready? I need some kind of objective measure so that I have a realistic idea. Going back while I am still crying daily, feeling physically and mentally exhausted and unable to remember the simplest of things would be such a bad idea....
Wouldn't it be great if there was some kind of outward signal that I am "better" - like an x-ray proving broken bones have healed?
Still, as I said, glimmers of hope. Even to be able to consider the possiblity of returning to work at some point is so much further on than I have been.
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3 comments:
so glad to hear that there are people who are listening to you, guiding you and sharing their sources of hope with you - glad too to hear that you have been able to see those glimmers and concentrate enough to read a book! that sounds like things are moving but you're right to be concerned about pusing it too far.
as regards going back to work, when i've been off for a while i measure by imagining worst case scenarios of things that can and do go wrong in the office on a regular basis and think about how i would react/ what i would do if i went back tomorrow and 'that' happened. It's all very well convincing myself that i'm fine to go back to work for the easy bits, but there's no point in me going back until i can picutre myself dealing rationally with the hard bits.
strange and true,
during your period of brokeness, YOU are responsible for me taking upo crafty stuff again.
(after a period of far to long, you wouldn't even want to guess)
I now have a tea cosy!
And you are prayed for every morning as I have my early morning cuppa.
Hugs.
Thanks, Caroline - that's a useful piece of guidance on which to base my readiness to return.
I also need to not be shaky on returning to school (as happened today)
not be crying daily
be able to do a reasonable day's work without feeling exhausted
be able tos tring thoughts together coherently.
mmp, thank you too. Both for letting me know I have in some strange way inspired you, and for praying for me daily.
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