Letter to BLPT

Dear Dr X
I am giving up on any expectation of support from CMHT and hence will not be keeping my appointment with you on December 4th.
When I saw you last, on 30th October, you suggested that I needed CMHT support due to my increased difficulties. You were the first to inform me that CMHT services in mytown had been reorganised and that the K team, to which I had been allocated, no longer existed. I was very upset when you said that I would now be with BE team, and reminded you of the circumstances which led to my allocation to K CMHT. You said then that you would ensure that I was allocated a care coordinator with BW CMHT.
I wrote to you on November 13th, sending a copy of my letter to you by email, and further copies to the PALS service and to the CEO, stating that I had heard nothing from CMHT. I had no response regarding these concerns.
When I saw my GP on November 19th, she was concerned that I still had no CMHT support and told me that she would fax you to request that such support was allocated. This seems to have triggered a response, because on November 20th I received an email from you stating that you had spoken to the BW team manager and that my case “will be discussed in the team meeting on Tuesday 25th November 2008 and a care coordinator will be allocated.”
To date I have had no contact from the team. My CMHT notes should contain my home phone number (where I have an answer phone), my address, my email address, my work phone number and my mobile phone number, as all of these have been provided to CMHT. None of these methods of contact seem to have been used to try to inform me about the availability of support.
Over the past five weeks I have found things increasingly difficult. Were it not for the support of my GP and my privately funded counselling, I do not know, at times, how I would have coped. BLPT has, once again, failed to provide me with promised, appropriate support at a time when I needed it, when it was promised to me, and when medical professionals recognised that I needed such support. The same happened when I was initially referred to BLPT services, when a previous Care Coordinator decided to cease my care, and when another Care Coordinator was on long term sick leave. The repeated failure to provide this support has reinforced my belief that I am not worth helping and has damaged my willingness to trust.
I have had repeated experiences of being failed by BLPT services, with support disappearing, being withdrawn, or failing to materialise. I do not wish to ignore the support I have received in the past, particularly from DL, S and DB but these experiences have been outweighed by repeated broken promises and failures. I do not understand how it could be that you stated that I urgently needed CHMT support, promised to ensure that CHMT support, and yet I have been left without any CMHT support for a period of over five weeks. Waiting for support to materialise from BLPT has been intensely damaging to me; hence on this occasion I have made the decision to wait no longer.

BLPT

I had an email today from my psychiatrist. I'm sure it was triggered by my GP's fax asking for CMHT support to be put in and not by the promises of the same made by Dr K when I saw him three weeks ago. He writes that he has a personal assurance from the leader of the team I asked to be transferred to that a care coordinator will be arranged at their next team meeting next Tuesday.
I think I am relieved that this support will be put in place. I'm still fearful that it will not materialise, when push comes to shove. I'm also dismayed that nothing seemed to happen until my GP "reminded" Dr K.

I'm also concerned because Dr K says that the consultant for the new team has agreed to see me, once I have settled in - but Dr K told me he would continue to see me.

I'm left feeling that my needs are not significant to BLPT - it's all down to how much "fuss" is made (in this case by my GP who, having seen me last night, knows how difficult things are). Promises are not followed through. Responses are not sent. Yes, Dr K was on leave (he tells me) last week - but I saw him 3 weeks ago and he made promises to me then that he does not seem to have followed up till now. D promised me she would chase this up two weeks ago and I believe that she would have done so - but that seems to have had no effect either. Thank goodness for my GP.

Psychiatrist viist

I saw Dr K today. I'd been really anxious about it. Not because of him (he is great) but because of the topics of discussion to be raised and my knowledge of how difficult it was going to be to talk about it - or even to know he knew.

However, as I say, he is great, and C (my CMHN) was really helpful too. I talked with her before my appt and it was really useful that I had told her what I felt and what I wanted to say, because when I got in there the anxiety hit full on and I couldn't actually communicate. She stepped in, thank goodness, and the fact that she said what I needed to say made it easier for me then to respond to Dr K's questions and suggestions.

The upshot (as far as I understand it) is that Dr K thinks that what needs addressing is PTSD. Not something I had considered. Not sure if I think that is it but I guess it is one label. He is going to contact the psychology services to see if there is any (female) provision. He did ask about the previous psychologist i had seen. D was fantastic and my sessions with him were so useful, but as I said to Dr K I just don't see how I can discuss this with a man at the moment. I think that would be a huge barrier.
The other possibility would be referral to an out of area treatment. Dr K mentioned the Maudsley which is apparently "the best" - but the prospect of trying to get to weekly appointments in London (and back from them) just seems impossible; I really cannot conceive how I could do it.

Anyway, back to waiting and seeing. I have crossed one bridge, and one that was very hard. I am so lucky to be seeing him - he is so gentle and respectful and concerned. He kept asking if I wanted a glass of water, didn't make me feel rushed, made sure there was nothing else I needed to ask. He had even read through my list of grounding strategies (which I sent to C and which she had clearly passed on), commented on how many I had found and used them when I dissociated. That helped so much.

He also reassured me that if I need tos ee him before my next appt (in 3 months) then C will arrange that with him. I need to remember that, especially if things start getting hard in the winter.