I've said it before, will say it again: my GP is great.
Saw her tonight.
Was frighteningly honest.
She didn't blanche - in fact, was understanding and compassionate.
She wants me to take the evening medication a bit earlier (when I get home) in the hope it will enable me to be less suicidally depressed in the evenings. Which is when it all hits me, to be honest. I don't understand it myself - how I can be (even I can see it) so "well" all day and then crash so totally in the evening. It's partly, I think, keeping up appearances, partly routines and demands, partly having / not having space to think.
She is also going to fax my psychiatrist to see what the situation is re CMHT support. Though I'm not holding my breath.
We have agreed I will keep at the current dose of Sertaline for 2 more weeks, till I see her again, and then review whether I need (as my psychiatrist suggested) to increase it. She hasn't had a letter from him as yet. Which at least means I may still get a copy of any letter he does send. Not sure how long it takes to write such a letter - it is now three weeks since I saw him.
Things feel brutally black in the evenings. The detail and coherence of potential plans is frightening to me, but also a relief. At least I know I have an escape route. The people around me shouldn't be burdened by me.