Wednesday, 19 November 2008


I've said it before, will say it again: my GP is great.
Saw her tonight.
Was frighteningly honest.
She didn't blanche - in fact, was understanding and compassionate.
She wants me to take the evening medication a bit earlier (when I get home) in the hope it will enable me to be less suicidally depressed in the evenings. Which is when it all hits me, to be honest. I don't understand it myself - how I can be (even I can see it) so "well" all day and then crash so totally in the evening. It's partly, I think, keeping up appearances, partly routines and demands, partly having / not having space to think.
She is also going to fax my psychiatrist to see what the situation is re CMHT support. Though I'm not holding my breath.
We have agreed I will keep at the current dose of Sertaline for 2 more weeks, till I see her again, and then review whether I need (as my psychiatrist suggested) to increase it. She hasn't had a letter from him as yet. Which at least means I may still get a copy of any letter he does send. Not sure how long it takes to write such a letter - it is now three weeks since I saw him.

Things feel brutally black in the evenings. The detail and coherence of potential plans is frightening to me, but also a relief. At least I know I have an escape route. The people around me shouldn't be burdened by me.


marcella said...

I don't like the idea of the frightening plans, but the idea of the GP is GOOD.
Re the letter from the psychiatrist, I've always found that what I call the 5 week rule is a good one.

marcella said...

or should I say the five week rule is a REALIST one.

Disillusioned said...

Thanks Marcella. In school terms, 5 weeks is an unacceptably long delay - but maybe there is a parallel universe out there....

marcella said...

In MY terms 5 weeks is an unacceptably long delay but we know that Pratnership Trusts don't live in the same universe as the rest of us.

Disillusioned said...

That is so true, and so sad.

Not sure which universe they inhabit - but I don't think I even want to be in the same one. In theirs, need is nothing and targets are everything.

marcella said...

from the minutes of our local lot while musing on complaints and considering one that was finally responded to in September "Given the Complainant had felt the need to write in March expressing concern about waiting times and procedures for her Grandson, we may have missed an opportunity to minimize further concerns by prioritizing our response to the formal complaint made in June." You have to laugh - screaming is so bad for the throat

Disillusioned said...

It sounds scarily familiar.

Having contacted PALS, my psychiatrist and the Chief Exec himself about the lack of CMHT provision for me (despite the recommendations of the psychiatrist) last week, I have yet to receive an acknowledgement from any of the, let alone a response.
Clearly they think that the offer of an appointment with the psychiatrist in December is sufficient.

Mandy said...

Hi C

Whatever happened to the all singing, all dancing CEO we were promised eh?

I had a letter from same CEO pretty much saying my complaint had gone as far as it could. It was also a rather shoddy attempt say that it was my word agains't staff members and so who would know the truth about how things happened.

Considering the difference between that letter and the letter I got from the GP practise, whom have subsequently held a formal meeting with staff and partners to see how such problems can be resolved so that the same thing doesn't happen in future....I think the new CEO does not quite fit the image of a man on a mission to improve services, that has been bandied about.

That aside, am so glad your GP is supportive and understanding. It does help to have one 'professional' person (and one you can rely on when you go to them) who provides care in a way that suits you.

Sorry that the nights are so bleak. Is that when the busy-ness of the day has subsided and you are home with your thoughts?

My naffest time is usually when I wake up and have to start getting my act back together again. My nights are quite good..maybe because I see the end of the day is nigh and sleep is much valued rest and escape.

Hope you are managing to get some quality sleep in

Disillusioned said...

Thank you Mandy.

You're spot on with the problem with evenings.

Sorry about your problems with the trust. I've had a response today which suggests action has been taken - but probably only because my GP faxed the psychiatrist. My need didn't seem to trigger anything.