Monday, 24 November 2008


I keep reading in BLPT minutes that they intend to "cleanse" the list of current outpatients, to remove those who "shouldn't" be there.

Can't help feeling like some grimy clump of dust which has either already been thrown away, or is about to be.

It's how I see myself - an inconvenient piece of detritus, wrong place, wrong time, of little use to anyone.
I know many of you lovely people who drop by believe I am worthwhile. I can't get in to arguing that with you. It's just not what I believe about myself.


madsadgirl said...

I completely understand how you feel. I keep telling myself not to be so stupid, but it doesn't always work. Being on my own doesn't help either, so I have to rely on a friend with whom I am in almost daily email contact, to be able to determine when I am really bad and to inject the bit of sanity that helps to get me on the straight and narrow path to normality again.

It's not easy, but remember that you are not useless. You have a job and you seem to be pretty good at it, and you have your family who must care for you too. No matter how often the dark feelings come, remember that there are others who care for you and want to help you through the bad times.

marcella said...

I was so perturbed by the word "cleansed" with all it's obvious connotations that I looked up the minutes to make sure it was correct (I know, it's sad enough reading my own lot's minutes isn't it, let alone another lot?). It's true. The plonkers. What stupid, stupid use of language. But hey, just because they are idiots, does not mean that vulnerable, valuable people should suffer. You are valuable. You are loved. You are gifted. If you also need help then that's fine - but as they have no other interest in life but to balance their books, they may not be able to provide it - that's their inadequacy, not yours.

Kathryn said...

Sometimes they take not just the biscuit but the whole packet.
I know you can't and won't believe it at the moment,but let us hold onto the truth for you that you are precious and valued. Always.

Rainbow dreams said...

The others here said it... you are precious and valued...and loved, take care and be gentle and kind with yourself, Katie, x

Jessica said...

That's not fair. Don't let them undermine you.
You are worth alot and there are people who cares about you.


Disillusioned said...

Thank you all.

Feeling very mucky just now.