Monday, 20 October 2008


Tears at work Friday and today. Today lasted for a long time. Looking back from the end of the day I can see it was not the disaster I felt it was at lunch time, but what is going on is a really difficult thing for me to do at any time, and being as I am not at the moment at my strongest - that just makes it harder.

Had extra session with J tonight after work. That helped. Settled a few things down a bit, I hope, and gave me some additional strategies to try. I need to slow things down a lot right now - and everything is coming at me in a huge rush. Feels overwhelming.

I feel I am talking in riddles. Will try to make it a bit clearer. I dissociate quite a bit - usually only in therapy sessions, when it is "safe" to do so. Recently the dissociation has felt overwhelming at times, with thoughts of the past dominating. I need to regain a focus on here and now and to slow down the reminders of the negative aspects of the past. It's proving hard to achieve. I also need to keep a focus on healthy ways of coping, and not resort to the less healthy ones.

All tough right now.


marcella said...

Sorry it's tough. The private schools round here have already broken up for the vacation, but the state schools plod on. Hope the holiday, when it comes, proves to be the break you need to catch up a bit.

Disillusioned said...

thanks marcella.

I just want it not to be so tough for a while. Is that wrong?

marcella said...

No, of course it's not wrong I've been blundering through a self-help course for parents, and it goes on about creating a "nurturing inner parent" (both for child, and for the parent). No nurturing parent would want their child to be subjected to relentless pressure - rest is good.

Mandy said...

Battery running low here C

Wanted you to know reading still and taking it in.

clocked your "Roll on Half Term" statement. Hoping it comes soon enough for you.

But the first persont to say "Roll on Christmas" gets the booby prize of the exploding cracker. Ha!


La-reve said...

Thanks for your comments on my blog

Thinking of you to and hoping a positive change in horizon for us both :)