Monday, 13 October 2008

Inside outside

I'm doing different things on the inside and the outside. To most people I am presenting a confident, competent, contented front. Inside I am scared. Do I need to be scared? I don't know.

"Right here, right now.."

Those are J's words which ground me. I keep reminding myself of them.

Right here right now I am physically safe. I have a job, a home, people who love me. My fears are of past and future. Past ones are in the past; future ones may never happen. Unfortunately I grew up learning to prepare for (and hence be in a position to prevent) scary futures and stopping that pattern is hard.

Right here, right now I am appreciated.

Right here, right now I can do what I am being asked to do. Maybe not as well as I would like to, buta s well as other people want me to.

That has to be enough. I hope I can convince myself of that.


La-reve said...

Hi Disillusioned

All you can really focus on is here and now and hopefully future will follow. Hope you will start feeling on the inside some of the positives you portray on the oustside. x

Disillusioned said...

Thank you la-Reve.