I'm doing different things on the inside and the outside. To most people I am presenting a confident, competent, contented front. Inside I am scared. Do I need to be scared? I don't know.
"Right here, right now.."
Those are J's words which ground me. I keep reminding myself of them.
Right here right now I am physically safe. I have a job, a home, people who love me. My fears are of past and future. Past ones are in the past; future ones may never happen. Unfortunately I grew up learning to prepare for (and hence be in a position to prevent) scary futures and stopping that pattern is hard.
Right here, right now I am appreciated.
Right here, right now I can do what I am being asked to do. Maybe not as well as I would like to, buta s well as other people want me to.
That has to be enough. I hope I can convince myself of that.