Thursday 24 July 2008

What I don't want

I don't want to arrange things for you ... or you ... or you.
I don't even want to arrange things for me.

I don't want to be responsible.

I don't want to be an adult.

I don't want to make decisions.

I don't want to have to tell you about the flashbacks.

I don't want to be responsible for keeping myself safe.

I don't want to feel guilty.

I don't want to be a parent ... a child ... a wife

I don't want to "be good".

I don't want to make sure other people are OK, or happy.

I'm not really sure i want to exist*

*
(but i will, because i have no choice in that really.)

2 comments:

Seratonin said...

You know I can identify with some of this too.I think we totally lose ourselves to all this awful crap going on in our heads.

Take care
Love
Sis xxx

Disillusioned said...

Thanks again S.

Yes, that's a good description of how I feel right now - lost.