Sunday, 2 March 2008

10 things I know about anger and me

1. I find it hard to recognise when I am feeling angry.
2. When I am in a situation where others might recognise and express anger I have many of the physical symptoms associated with anger eg racing heartbeat, feeling of a tight band around my head.
3. My initial response to an anger-inducing situation is often to want to run away.
4. Another frequent reaction of mine is to blame myself or turn anger inwards.
5. If I am able to talk situations over with someone I trust it helps me to recognise and process anger in a more healthy way.
6. I am afraid of anger in myself and in others.
7, I find it easier to recognise anger in myself when it is in situations where i don't have face to face contact with the person I am angry with.
8. Accepting that I can feel angry towards people I have a relationship with or care about is very difficult for me; I automatically assume there is something wrong with me.
9. I hate disagreements or arguments.
10. Just thinking about anger scares me.


Jessica said...

It's good to list it out like that.
I do know,
1.I run away from problems, I can't verbalised myself well when I'm really trembling with anger.
2.I cry to let it out.
3.I avoid confrontations and fights with all my might.
4. When I am really angry, I like to smash things.

That's not good right?
Hang in there!

mandy lifeboats appeal said...

Thinking about anger here.

It is a natural feeling. And I think that one of the problems with anger is that we live in a society that historically has been controlling. I feel that the government we have is pro control and that must affect society. Not sure binge drinking, the increase in illicit drug taking and youth violence and crime is in direct correlation but contented people don't do those sorts of things.

Youth violence and particularly the increase in killings (youth on youth) is my most major concern. I hate to see children destroying each other and in the process, themselves.

What I am trying to say is that the more a power tries to control, the more deviant people can and do become.

How does that relate to us personally? Not sure, but I think it does. Everything is relative.

And people with anger problems tend to have had traumatic and extremely negative experiences in development. Self expression is, I believe, very important to a person's esteem and the value they have (mostly for themselves). Maybe this is all utter tosh but I do believe that when the psyche is developing, if children (little people) aren't able to express themselves without negative feeback, condiscention, being ignored that is when distortion becomes a norm. An unhealthy one.

I don't mind being challenged on this because it is my view and I think it important to hear and read what other's views are.

Perhaps part of a healing process is to somehow get back to the child (in ourselves) emancipate them (obviously in a safe and protected environment.

Again this could be utter tosh but it feels kinda right and I am proactively seeking ways to connect to the child in me and help them to move forward.

Could be on a hiding to nothing but it is worth a try.

Rainbow dreams said...

Well done for writing this out then...that must have been a hard thing to do.
I think anger is hard for anyone to look at, but I think it is important...

and I think the world would be a less violent place if people did think about how they react, instead of waiting till the heat of the moment when they can't think properly.

my thoughts are ~ that it is a normal feeling for everyone at times, tied in with our beliefs and a sense of what is and isn't fair.

I also think that keeping it in and bottling it up is like trying to keep a lid on a pressure cooker, and that this is when it gets scary and dangerous and becomes explosive.

So it is better to find ways of letting it out safely and without hurting yourself or anyone around you. Then it can be expressed and got rid of as it happens. That way it doesn't eat away at anyone and it doesn't ferment and cause more problems than it needs to...

I get scared by anger reactions in those I love - I hate to see them hurting.
Once I asked R junior what he most wanted when he got angry... he said he wanted me to hug him...
It can be hard not to turn it inwards on ourselves but we are allowed to feel angry.

It is good that you know what helps you process anger in a more healthy way...does writing help too?
Running away - or rather taking yourself away from the situation isn't always the wrong thing either... it could be an appropriate thing to do..

You're doing well Caroline, take care, love and hugs, x

Disillusioned said...

Hi Jessica
I hope we can both find healthy ways to deal with our anger. Sometimes I think it is good to cry, just to let it out. I know too how hard it can be to verbalise anger.

Thanks, Mandy. Some profound thoughts there. My childhood was very controlled, I know, and expressing emotion of any kind was difficult. The idea of engaging with the inner child is something I am working on too - and maybe a subject for another post.

Katie, thanks for your reassurance and support and for all your comments here. I agree that the key is finding the right reaction for the situation. Yes, writing helps hugely - and I log situations where anger might be an appropriate response (even if as yet I don't often allow myself to admit to feeling that anger.)

MMP said...
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