Wednesday, 30 January 2008


An exhaustingly long day here.

Still moving in the right direction I think, though it often feels like I am standing still.

Had copies of my clinical notes from my current team today which were (in contrast to other notes) fair and truthful and unbiased and complete and organised. That helped massively. I've asked to see my other file, the one from BE CMHT. However, I'm told that request has to go through the "Caldicott Guardian" - though D had no issue with me seeing them before, and appeared to have no reservations about me seeing them now. In a world of confusion and lies, secrecy is the most powerful weapon, it seems.

Attended joint meeting which had elements of difficulty but which turned out to be helpful and positive and fair, and I think I was able to say things which I didn't believe I could. I know I was listened to and supported.

D leaves her post in the CMHT tomorrow. we talked today about it being an opportunity to experience positive endings and changes, but also acknowledged that going through the changes feels very vulnerable. At the moment I can't imagine being able to phone someone new for help if I am struggling.

Trying to balance being real and keeping up appearances.


MMP said...

IME that balance is often held tightly in that word "no"..said by us when we least feel like it and most need to!

Rainbow dreams said...

Take care, thinking of you still, Katie, x

Disillusioned said...

mmp - I know what you mean and it is a word I find very difficult to use, especially when I should!
Katie, thanks. Your thoughts (and email!) are much appreciated.

marcella said...

Thinking of you. Hope Thursday was OK

MMP said...

oh and thank you for that V useful link on CMHT- lottsa lovely leaflets that i do actually need .

Disillusioned said...

Thanks Marcella. It was chaotic but I survived, and even achieved a few things.

MMP - glad if they were useful. I like links! Just added more to today's post.

Kathryn said...

Back in the country now, - but continued praying from a distance I promise. I'm sorry this has been a hard week - but admire all you have achieved in the time we've known one another. To have managed that meeting when so much else was unresolved for you is quite remarkable, I'd say.

Disillusioned said...

Thank you Kathryn, both for your somments here and for your prayers.