Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Long, long day

Just got in, having left home this morning at 7.30.

Long day of teaching. Two hour after school meeting. Then straight on to elder daughter's school to find out about sixth form options.
Good moments - hearing how wel she is doing, having other staff praise her.

And the not so good moments...
My closest friend at work, someone who like me struggles with depression - fell apart today.
I held her while she cried.
For a while I coped with it by doing - helping to arrange things (as far as I could - not very far).

Tonight I am being and it is hard being where I am. In her I saw, today, where I was, where I am so close to being, and that is scary. I heard her saying things I know I feel, believe, deep down in myself in the darkest times and places. I hurt for her, I hurt with her, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, I can do. There's a lot I want to do, but nothing I can do. Seeing her hurting, feeling, the rawness and despair of it all - I know where I am, where I have been and where I will be again.

7 comments:

Rainbow dreams said...

Hi Caroline, not sure what to say...
I'm sure she was pleased you were there for her - that was good, but oh so hard for you too.
You have such empathy because you do know - but you also know what it is like to NOT be there too.
Remember and hang ontp all the positive things and nurturing acivities and be gentle with yoourself.. be kind and keep back some empathy for yourself..
Love and hugs
Katie
x

MMP said...

yesterday appears to have been a day for teachers falling apart. we had our fair share of it too

what's it about returning to school?
all the children are zoned out, home situations omnipresent
and father christmas hasn't solved our dilemas at all.

by the end of break i was half way through a packet of biscuits.....

comiserations on troubles at your end.

marcella said...

Hugs - allbeit rather cold filled ones, to you both from here

Disillusioned said...

Katie, thank you. Others have said that the reason I can help her is because I have been there. I've also been reminded of the importance of looking after myself.
mmp, sorry your school is suffering too. I think your observations are spot on. we currently have one member of staff off long term (cancer treatment - and she's in her 20s), my friend off for at least this week, and others struggling through coughs, colds etc.
marcella - thanks for the hugs. Actually, what I most wanted at school today was for someone to give me a hug.

Deb said...

I think it is great that you 2 are friends. You can be there for each other in ways that others cannot.

Caroline said...

hug from here
xc

Disillusioned said...

Deb and C, thank you both.

She's going to be off work for at least another week. I so feel for her. Doesn't seem to be much I can do to help, except phone. Might try to meet up with her this weekend, if we are both up to it.