Got home to find the response letter from the Trust.
I'd tried to prepare myself but even I wasn't prepared for the totality of this whitewash.
The final paragraph sums it up, really:
"I would like to explain that the above comments are not different to what was stated in my initial response to you. Please note that there is nothing additional this investigation can add, as the response will remain the same from the managers."
It's still all my fault.
They are still not admitting they have done anything wrong.
They are stating the view that it was entirely reasonable for M to investigate a complaint against herself.
They have not looked at my notes to gain a larger perspective.
They've once again left me in pieces.
And, of course, it is Friday evening. My care co-ordinator is not at work. Neither are either of the other two workers who know me and know about me. The Assistant Director I am due to see on Tuesday is not at work for me to discuss with her whether there is any point in meeting on Tuesday - if it is going to be yet more of the same, I can't see the point. The letter was not even signed by the Chief Executive, but by the same deputy who signed off the initial response. My husband doesn't know how to discuss it with me, doesn't want to see me upset, thinks I should just forget about it. But it is eating me up. I have phoned the advocacy service and hope someone may be able to attend the meeting on Tuesday. I'm not sure that will do any good. They suggested putting off the meeting to allow us to talk about the situation, but i really can't do this - I need to keep moving on with it. At least if I feel I am doing something I know I have not given up. But part of me wants to give it up. the thing is, I have put so much of myself into this, and giving up feels like accepting that they are right. And, deep down, a part of me insists they are not right. But what if they are? What if I am wrong? What if I really have ben unreasonable and my expectations are totally out of line? Where does that leave me?
I'm falling apart at the moment. Thank goodness for Valium - and alcohol.