Inspired by an email from Caroline as well as comments from others, some positives from my week. I'm slowly moving - mood was black a week ago, now at a shade of mid-grey.
This week I managed to:
Meet up with a friend (H) at the gym
Schedule in lots of varied activities
Do lots of sewing
Cope with a visit from my parents
Survive two very crowded train journeys (standing both times) without panic
Visit an entirely new town and use their local history archive
Do two yoga sessions at home
Go to the gym twice
Do some gardening
See R, my counsellor, and use that time effectively
Monitor how what I do, and the time of day, affects my mood
Have my hair done
Make appointments for next week.
Many of these would have been impossible for me six weeks ago. I wasn't able to meet up with others at that point, and making appointments was extremely difficult, needing lots of planning.
It's hard, looking back two weeks and recalling that my confidence was so much higher, my mood so much brighter, to accept that although I feel low now, I am much better than I was a week ago and there is every chance that I will continue to improve. It's hard, having had my sense of self worth beaten up by CMHT's refusal to meet my needs in the way they promised, not to blame myself or feel a lesser person. But it's also good to see how far I have come (which is different from looking just at where I am now) and it is good for me to recognise how many people have been willing to encourage me and support me and so help to restore to me some sense of self acceptance.
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1 comment:
I'm glad you are making one step forward. Black to grey sounds like the right colour shift to me! All the best for more bright days in the coming weeks
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