Letter sent to various people involved in this fiasco.
To all those concerned
I have attempted to obtain the emotional and mental health support promised to me in my enhanced CPA and by your own repeated assertions. My attempt was refused in the absence of [my CPN].
I appealed to the complaints service for help, stating that I did not feel able to obtain support through [the team manager] but asking for support from another source. I was offered support from [the team manager] who, I was told, had agreed to overlook my past behaviour (presumably that would be my polite attempts to obtain support which she called "derogatory", "upsetting" and "personal".) Clearly my requests count for nothing. Clearly nobody took any account of them whatsoever.
I was told I could call [the local area manager] myself to discuss the situation. When I tried (immediately after phoning [the complaints officer]) he was not at work.
I was promised a phone call from [the local area manager] this evening and further action to provide me with support. No phone call has materialised two hours later.
Unfortunately I have no confidence that any support will be forthcoming until [my CPN]'s return. Without support I cannot cope with the actions of [the local mental health trust]. You have repeatedly succeeded in making me feel worse than I already did - quite an achievement for a group of mental health professionals.
In this situation I feel I have no option but to discharge myself from mental health "care" (I use the word very loosely) from [the local mental health trust]. I will be pursuing my complaint, but I see no point in allowing the people who claim to be supporting me to harm me in this way. I have very little confidence given my recent experience that my complaint will be dealt with fairly and impartially.
Maybe my mistake was in assuming that this was a caring service and that it wanted to help me. Maybe it was in believing you would act in a fair and just way. Or maybe my mistake is in being articulate and in wanting support in order to maintain a "normal" life.
Ironically, before all of this I was probably not far from being able to manage without support. Your actions have set me back in my aim. You have succeeded in your aim, however, of getting rid of me.
I would like to thank [my psychologist], [my CPN] and [my psychiatrist] for treating me as a person with needs and with a right to support. I would like to offer my sympathies to other people who come to [the local mental health trust] in need of support.
I'm a rambling mass of inconsistencies, some hidden and some all too apparent. A "messy human", wishing to be visible and yet invisible, cherishing my differences but longing to fit in.
Blogs I read
- A Fortunate Man
- A Long Walk to Forever
- Awareness
- Dare to Dream
- Fighting the Urge
- Frolicking Through Llife
- Good in parts
- I'm a Medical Student...
- Lake Cocytus
- Mandy
- Marcella
- Medicines, Animals and a Dream
- Mental nurse
- Mouse
- Nearly time
- Neenaw
- One Pedestrian Away
- Pip
- Pole to Polar
- Police Inspector Blog
- Rainbow Dreams
- Random Acts of Reality
- Rufus May
- Schizophrenia - a Carer's Story
- Seratonin
- The fight for Mrs Carr
- The muddled marketplace
- There and Back
- Traumaqueen
- Useless CPN
10 comments:
Well done. So sad you had to write this, but so necessary. xxx hugs from here. so sorry they have done more harm than good.
echoing well done.. I'm appalled it had to come to it but thats exactly it - when wil they stop doing more harm than good and start doing what they are supposed to be doing...hugts and love, Katie,xx
Please try to remember that the wreckage that they have caused is neither your fault, nor, however it may feel, the sum total of you...
You were doing fantastically.
You will do fantastically again.
You have learned so much about yourself and so many coping strategies along the way through this process...negative "support" is definitely worth jettisoning.
Thank you all.
I feel totally battered. I have left fighting (having sent this email and my complaint to all the members of the board of directors and a copy by post to my GP and psychiatrist) but I feel damaged. Yes, I am repeating to myself that this is not my fault, that I am not difficult (though I can see they can interpret my behaviour this evening as such), that I am entitled to the support written in my CPA. But I don't really believe it, if I am honest.
The one good thing is that my GP's practice receptionists were lovely when I phoned them (in what might be called "a bit of a state") earlier this evening. I mentioned that I was waiting for an appointment to come through with the counsellor and they must have phoned her, because half an hour later she phoned to offer me an appointment on Monday. This is someone I have worked with in the past, know to be supportive, know will not abandon me. It validates me in my decision to abandon any attempt to get support from CMHT. I still feel battered though - but have the prospect of face to face support, if I can just get through till Monday.
They haven't won you know. They've lost a client, who, but for their failings, would have been an out and out success story for their service and they know it. I'm glad you will have the support of the GP's counsellor. It may prove to be more appropriate than the useless CMHT anyway, but they're the ones who were supposed to be supporting you, so I expect the GP will have something to say to them when he gets back from his holiday.
i'm really pleased that the counsellor has arranged to see you, that's excellent news.
adn thatnk you for posting your 'letter', it is good and strong and powerful and as has been said beofre, shows you have come so far and done so well. Remember you have taken control now, you did not cause this breakdown, you have done what you needed to do to extrictae yourself from their breakdown.
i know - and can hear - how battered you must feel take care of yourself
well done ,
hope you get soem sleep tonihgt
xc
OMG Caroline. What a terrible experience you have had to endure. I echo all of the feedback here and wish you could have avoided all of this. It is truly shameful.
Reading your recent posts and this one, I can't help but think of some whom I work with who are made of the same cloth as the incompetents you have had to contend with. One colleague comes to mind right away.....never in the 30+ years she has worked the "frontlines" has anyone ever heard her utter...."I made a mistake....or...."I'm sorry." Honest to God!!
Systems are cruel and dysfunctional. Bureaucracy is a process of ass covering for the most part. And some people who work in it perpetuate this with aplomb. Nothing sticks to their fingers. I find it repulsive, I honestly do.
Take heart friend and know you have every single right you posted AND some......your assertiveness is inspiring........don't let it slip away.
And remember....you're never alone. You are surrounded by light Caroline....it's all around you, even if you can't see it.
dana.
Sleeping tablets enabled me to sleep last night. I suspect valium may have to help me get through the day, but am putting it off till I get started in work.
I know Ruth (the counsellor) very well, having seen her on numerous occasions in the past, both through the GP and as a private patient. I am so confident about her support and warmth - knowing I will be able to see her makes it seem possible to get though all this.
Today I will see what my various emails bring - though I am sure it will not be anything positive. I'm not intending to chase anything through - they can have their 25 days to respond to my complaint and then I will take it further. I've written to my Gp and my psychiatrist enclosing my annotated care plan and all the details of this sad and sorry case. I've told my GP I will need to see him when he returns from his holiday.
I'm angry. That's good. However, I dip frequently into despair and self blame and am needing reassurance that this is not my fault, my failure. At the same time I must find a way of putting it behind me. Hopefully now I do not expect any support from BLPT that will happen.
get through util Monday..your counellor will help you more than the others ever could..and what support form blogland....all these loving commetns in one evening!!! from all over the country, and some/most from people you have never met!!! There are some lovely caring people out there...and you are one of them xx
You are right, Sally. And, to add to the support here and that I know I will get from Ruth, I had a lovely email from D, the psychotherapist, today. Will blog about the rest of my day.
thank you all.
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