... teaching seems successful
... I'm (I think) managing not to do too much
... some of the pupils seem pleased to see me; none have moaned about my return in my hearing
... I even heard a pupil commenting on how much weight I have lost (not that I would recommend my way as a good method of dieting!)
... a friend and colleague asked if I would be happy to work with her on the scoring at Sports Day - by far my most preferred role on that most stressful of occasions.
... had a quick and positive appointment with the psychiatrist today (well, it would have been quick had he not been running 20 minutes late - and I was his FIRST appointment of the clinic!)
...sleep is currently not a problem, after the blip of last week
...the sun shone this afternoon!
Really the only problem is ...
... I'm so damn tired!
It frustrates me beyond belief. I mean, what right have I to be tired when I am only teaching two hours a day? When am I going to start finding it comfortable? How will I deal with teaching 4 more hours next week, then almost full time the week after that? (OK, so maybe a bit of catastrophisation there). But the frustration is very real. Is is all in my mind? I mean, I *should* be able to cope with this, really I should. Argh!
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7 comments:
I'm sure you've had enough psychotherapy to know that "should statements" are worse than catastophisation and when we've finished beating ourselves up about our lack of energy, doing too much, and/or caring too much or too little we can beat ourselves up about using should statements too!!!
Please - I AM JOKING here.
You've done brilliantly and your body and brain wouldn't be at all "right" if you didn't feel tired. Hope you continue to sleep well.
lol very true about the should statements marcella - made me smile too!
Thanks for the praise and reassurance.
for me it's one of life's vicious circles - doing nothing, or little is for more me more tiring and exhausting than being busy - or at least it feels it because there's no adrenalin rushes, no momentum, no busy-ness. there's time to feel tired and listen to my body and head telling me it's tired rahter than carrying on regardless and the tiredness taking it's toll in other ways.
keep being kind to yourslef - huge hug
xc
Thanks Caroline - I'm sure you are right. I suspect part of my wanting to be able to do more is to get that adrenaline rush - but I also know that the fall afterwards is too much for me to deal with right now.
Hugs back.
hi Caroline.
When I took a summer off and had no real timelines etc, I found that I was so tired....though I know I needed the time off. I also wasn't able to accomplish as much as I did when my day was full.
I find that my work routine helps with both things.....getting other stuff done, and with my fatigue factor.
It'll come.......it's all in the balance isn't it?
Thing is it sounds as if you are coping - rather well - you're achieving so much no wonder you're tired...
you're doing really well but it takes energy and you do actually need the rest your body is telling you you need...
be gentle with yourself, give yourself a break and congratulate yourself for all you have done.
I find mental effort is more tiring than physical effort any day, hugs Katie,x
Dana, thanks for your observations. I'm trying to be positive and believe it will balance itself out. I think it is starting to. I need to lose this perspective of myself as a fragile person, to some extent, I think.
Katie, as ever the reassurance helps. You are right that it is the mental strain that is affecting me, I think. Today the negativism in the staff room really got to me - the panic and frustration of so many people was so draining. Being a "fixer", one who needs to sort things out for others and one whose buttons are pressed by others needing support, I have to learn to filter some of those needs out and decide where I can use my energies without causing damage to myself. It's a hard balance to find.
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