Have been hibernating a bit, having taken the comments on board, got frustrated, beaten myself up a bit, and finally tried (once again) to accept the situation as it is.
Over the last few days I have (some of you will be very pleased to hear) done much less. I also tracked down one of the causes of my exhaustion and have switched the timing of my antihistamine to the evenings when the sleepies matter less. Of course, cetirizine is not *normally* associated with drowsiness, but hey, someone has to have the atypical side effects, don't they? And given all the meds I am on, some interaction could almost be predicted....
Anyway, I've done sewing and genealogy (both of which are relaxation activities for me, strange as that may seem to others), watched TV and encouraged others to help. This evening, as a product of that, elder daughter cooked tea for "us three girls" while younger daughter acted as cook's assistant. H is being more supportive after I cried on him about feeling overloaded. I haven't thought about lesson plans for next week yet, but can't anyway until a colleague gets in touch to tell me where they are up to.
Today I coped with a dentist appointment - only a checkup, but I am phobic about dentists (even mine, who is very nice and very understanding) so it was a challenge. A bad run of dental treatment was one of the triggers to this depression so it had other overtones too.
It's so hard, adapting to a new way of being. I've been the person who tried to make everything OK for everyone else for as long as I can remember, the person who does it all. Changing my own behaviour is hard - coping with others not wanting me to change is even harder. And going back to work next week seems quite scary just now...
Thanks for being there.
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6 comments:
That feeling of wanting to 'be there and make everything ok for everyone else' is so a woman thing! Abd even more so a wife/mother thing. My family have always been used to me coping, 'being there' for them, that when I couldn't be, altho they tried to help, really they didn't like it, and wanted the 'old me' back. I guess they felt safe when I was in charge. I certainly tried to (obviously) keep my family relationshops going, but have lost contact with a lot of other people simply because I couldn't deal with even the smallest social interaction. Recently I ahev slipped back in to this. I think this is why the blogging world is so important to me - I can communicate what I want when I want, and engage on a level I can cope with...you continue to take care of yourself..one day at a time!!! xxx
You and I have a lot in common, Sally - so much of what you wrote, I could say. I too have found social interactions difficult - I think that's one reason that my return to work is scary. And I agree too with your comments on blogging. Thanks.
Adapting when you dont' want to is one of the hardest things ever...and does demand lots of energy in itself too. So just try to believe those who are cheering you on, - but also believe that we're here for you whichever direction you feel you are heading in.
Love and blessings xx
is there any way that your h and/ or children can have access to a counsellor - or even couple/ family work - so that you don't have to work so hard at your own things and fight a battle with them on your own at the same time. CHanging the dynamics and roles in the household sounds like it might be quite challenging and confusing for them and exhausting for you too. it sounds like it can be a lonely place to be in on your own.
with you here - and appreciating you being there
Your older girl cooked tea for the three of you?
How fabulous is that!
hints and tips please;)
Thank you, Kathryn. I am sure part of the problem is my stubborn deep down reluctance to accept that I have a problem and need to change...
Caroline, would it were possible. H is so antagonistic to any form of outside help (and I have mentioned coupels counselling) that this is unlikely to happen and is a battle I am unwilling to take on. It's a great idea ... if only. I have to say that the girls are adapting much more rapidly than the husband, but there are slight signs of change there too - there is hope, I hope!
mmp I don't have a magic "Ten steps to get your teenager cooking" but what has worked for us, I think, is that we have always involved both girls in cooking and preparing food as a fun activity. For example, the tradition for Christmas dinner is that the three of us sit and prepare the veg etc together. Increasingly we have encouraged the girls to cook meals for themselves in the evenings (with a wide range of pre-prepared meals ready, that often only means heating up). A couple of weeks ago they suggested they would like to cook lunch one Sunday, which they did with great success. E's meal last week was a revelation, however - at 15 she seems to have turned into an instinctive cook, combining ingredients to create new creations. It was delicious - and hopefully all the praise will encourage her to repeat it!
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