I have mostly been managing to complete one task each day "one-mindfully". I've tried (where possible) to attach the idea of making a cup of tea to this concept, so that whenever I make a cup of tea I focus just on that. It's getting easier; I'm finding that my attention wanders less each time and that I am no longer tempted to race around emptying the dishwasher etc. In a sense it has become a space - or several - in the day, just for me. I've noticed I'm drinking more tea, which suggests that I feel benefits from doing it this way.
I've also been trying to do a breathing activity, focusing on the breath. That often doesn't happen till I am in bed, but it has happened every day so far at some point. I'm finding this much harder; focusing just on my breathing and not on the other thoughts which constantly pop into my mind is difficult.
Interestingly I have found myself challenging my ruminating on the past and the future with the instruction to "focus on now". I've been reminding myself that, no matter how unsafe I have felt at times, how triggered, how abandoned, I am safe here and now.
I'm a rambling mass of inconsistencies, some hidden and some all too apparent. A "messy human", wishing to be visible and yet invisible, cherishing my differences but longing to fit in.
Blogs I read
- A Fortunate Man
- A Long Walk to Forever
- Awareness
- Dare to Dream
- Fighting the Urge
- Frolicking Through Llife
- Good in parts
- I'm a Medical Student...
- Lake Cocytus
- Mandy
- Marcella
- Medicines, Animals and a Dream
- Mental nurse
- Mouse
- Nearly time
- Neenaw
- One Pedestrian Away
- Pip
- Pole to Polar
- Police Inspector Blog
- Rainbow Dreams
- Random Acts of Reality
- Rufus May
- Schizophrenia - a Carer's Story
- Seratonin
- The fight for Mrs Carr
- The muddled marketplace
- There and Back
- Traumaqueen
- Useless CPN
6 comments:
That sounds good...
the breathing bit reminds me very much of yoga classes I used to go to.... though I only used to manage in a class environment so I am impressed at you managing at home :)
I like the idea of mindfulness, thank you
Hi Caroline.
Your trip to Kent sounded exactly what you needed......a reconnect to part of who you are, where your roots are....and sharing it with your children.
I think it's all part of the process of mindfulness. In order to be able to focus on the here and now, one has to have the acknowledged roots too.
Reading this post reminded me of when I was pregnant for the first time. for the first couple of months, I felt so physically crappy all day long....it was a queasy awful feeling that just never went away as much as I fought it. I also had to carry on at work and home etc.
One night, in order to try to just focus on something besides how I was feeling, I thought to myself.....hmmmmmmm.....I'm going to put the kettle on and make myself a cup of tea......just focus on that. Tea has always been linked to my grandmother, to goodness, to taking a break etc....so tea it was.
Well, I boiled the water, made the tea, poured it into my favourite mug........and then when I added the milk.........and started stirring it......I was overcome by the yucky colour and the smell for some reason. It grossed me out. All of a sudden, my head started feeling light and dizzy.
I reeled from the kitchen counter over to the sofa and passed out!! Over a cup of tea!
Thank God my system eventually adjusted......... :)
hope you're smiling.
enjoy your day.........I'm off to make a yummy cup of tea and toast to not having to ever be pregnant again!!
Katie, I have done some yoga too and you are right that this sounds similar. The only difference I have found is that you are supposed to focus on your breathing and only on your breathing. But maybe some yoga is like that too - I'm not sure, from my limited experience. I've been finding that the best time for me to do it is definitely as I go to bed - it puts me in the right frame of mind for sleep (and I am less likely to be interrupted!) However, I'd like to get to the stage of being able to do it to calm myself down when things get too much - which I think is what my psychologist is aiming at.
Dana, I think you are right - I did reconnect at a very deep level with the positive part of my childhood, which was the time I spend being loved and cherished by my grandparents. Everywhere I went things reminded me of them and that was wonderful - a linking of the "now" and the "then".
I did smile at the cup of tea story, thank you. Like you, I will toast to never being pregnant again!
hey caroline......thinking of you....looking for you....
dana
Thank you Dana.
I am OK, but found myself totally unable to write over the last several days. Perhaps the stillness overwhelmed me. Perhaps it was also a fear - feelings of abandonment (irl not online) and fear of rejection from being too needy or revealing too much of me. These things descend, from time to time, and my most common response is avoidance. You reaching out here enabled me to reach back, so for that I am very grateful.
hi Caroline
I'm glad I left a little message, then. :)
keep on writing.......whatever your heart desires!!
Post a Comment