The bad:
Feeling that I am somehow failing in my therapy
Fearing that my therapist has had enough of me
Realising my GP thinks I can go 3 weeks between appointments.
Walking in to school
Trying to finish two costumes for daughter's school play by tomorrow - and making a hash of it.
The good:
Pip, Kathryn, Dana and Caroline for holding me
Friends at school who really did seem pleased to see me. Some of them even seemed to want to talk to me.
Buying yummy wools so I can make blankets for my daughters (OK, so maybe I now need to stop buying wools...)
Quiet
Reaching out - and not being pushed away
Knowing that i do not have to work for at least 3 weeks
My GP's conviction that I will recover - and his image for me that I am like a dormant bulb surrounded by cold ground, but that spring will come and I will bloom again.
I'm a rambling mass of inconsistencies, some hidden and some all too apparent. A "messy human", wishing to be visible and yet invisible, cherishing my differences but longing to fit in.
Blogs I read
- A Fortunate Man
- A Long Walk to Forever
- Awareness
- Dare to Dream
- Fighting the Urge
- Frolicking Through Llife
- Good in parts
- I'm a Medical Student...
- Lake Cocytus
- Mandy
- Marcella
- Medicines, Animals and a Dream
- Mental nurse
- Mouse
- Nearly time
- Neenaw
- One Pedestrian Away
- Pip
- Pole to Polar
- Police Inspector Blog
- Rainbow Dreams
- Random Acts of Reality
- Rufus May
- Schizophrenia - a Carer's Story
- Seratonin
- The fight for Mrs Carr
- The muddled marketplace
- There and Back
- Traumaqueen
- Useless CPN
5 comments:
I've sent you a poem about flowering.
Take care x
i wish i knew how to help....
hold on, hold on to yourself - is this heaven or hell?
a paraphrase of sarah Mc'
...the crossroads, hold on, hold on...
.....i think i like your gp.....
Hi Caroline.......I'm sending you a poem I wrote early last spring after a day of feeling crappy.....I remembered it when I read the part about your GP's comments.....
Hope Will Return
Under the surface
Void of sunlight
In silent hibernation
Hope grows.
Under the covers
Alone in the dark
In cocooned stillness
Hope grows.
Invisible, untouchable
A tiny yellow crocus of hope
Seemingly dormant
Never fully still
Reaching for nourishment
For faith to take hold.
Searching for
Seasonal seeds of optimism
Rays of strength
Breezes of newfound energy
Flowing, growing, showing
Pushing through despair.
Be patient.
Be still.
Have faith.
Hope will return.
take care.......
dana.
Kathryn and Dana, thank you for the poems.
mmp - I like my GP too. I trust him. He is always so kind and makes me feel he has time for me even when I know he can't possibly have.
I wish I knew how to hold on - and i think it is hell right now. But thank you for being here with me.
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