I want this journey to be over.
Not the whole journey, just this bit of it.
The bit through the endless tunnels.
The bit where strange noises startle me and leave me confused.
The bit where I don't really know if I am heading in the right direction.
I'd like to be travelling in the light again.
I know we need the darkness
and I am grateful for the candles you and others hold to show something of the way
But I feel so alone, so small, so scared
And I want this journey to be over.
Still...
there must be a purpose in this dark travelling
there must be somewhere I am going which is better than where I am now
Mustn't there?
I'm a rambling mass of inconsistencies, some hidden and some all too apparent. A "messy human", wishing to be visible and yet invisible, cherishing my differences but longing to fit in.
Blogs I read
- A Fortunate Man
- A Long Walk to Forever
- Awareness
- Dare to Dream
- Fighting the Urge
- Frolicking Through Llife
- Good in parts
- I'm a Medical Student...
- Lake Cocytus
- Mandy
- Marcella
- Medicines, Animals and a Dream
- Mental nurse
- Mouse
- Nearly time
- Neenaw
- One Pedestrian Away
- Pip
- Pole to Polar
- Police Inspector Blog
- Rainbow Dreams
- Random Acts of Reality
- Rufus May
- Schizophrenia - a Carer's Story
- Seratonin
- The fight for Mrs Carr
- The muddled marketplace
- There and Back
- Traumaqueen
- Useless CPN
6 comments:
i wish i could say an unqualified 'yes', but i can't...I can tell you only that i believe that it's purpose will be clear at times and become clearer in the future, and that I beleive that there is an end that can be reached that is better than the places we journey through.
'i believe' is all...
meanwhile i send a hug, and a wish for you a mirror and many more candles to send more light into the darkness..
Don't give up. No matter how hard and tough the journey is, for me it's about connecting with some very lovley people along the way, and allowing oursleves to see the good there and not the bad, to allow ourselves to love and be loved, and cared for...the lvoe adn care of people in my life have carried me through...xxx
sometimes the purpose isn't shown to us until the darkness fades and we're moving right along....farther and farther away.
As much as we want to know what the whole struggle is all about when the struggle is happening.....clarity sometimes lags behind.
take care......clarity and strength will come
Caroline, thank you for the mirrors. Another image to add to my cave. Thank you for your honesty too. I'm sorry you know this route as I do.
Sally, I need the reminders about not giving up and the good things about the journey. I am so grateful for you who are travelling with me and holding candles when I cannot.
Dana, I trust in your belief that clarity and strength will come. Although I cannot always believe it, it is helpful that others do.
You know what.......I write it to believe it myself as much as I write it for you! :)
I was thinking today after having coffee with a friend about something he suggested.....he told me not to ever expect that all the plans will be in place in order to move forward, that sometimes we just need to go with an idea and allow the rest of the plans and stuff to follow along later....to let the universe unfold.
I'm not very good at that, though I try. Then I started thinking about my career path, which wasn't anything like I had "planned" or expected. For 5 years I taught at a Community College.....and yet it took two years into it to realize and accept that I was a "teacher." I was holding onto a different concept of what I wanted to be, and what I was....or some such goofy thing.......the clarity and the understanding came much later than the doing........
does that make sense?
Thank you Dana. It makes a lot of sense. But I really struggle with not knowing what is going to happen in some cases, especially when my deeper fears are triggered. Mindfulness seems to stress living in the now and that is what i am trying to do - but I suspect it will be a long process.
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