Holidays are escapes from the routine of ordinary day-to-day existence. When we feel in need of a holiday, we often refer to "needing a change". Holidays and the capacity to change march hand in hand. The word "retreat" carries similar overtones of meaning. Although retreat in the face of the enemy may preclude defeat, it does not necesarily do so.Anthony Storr, Solitude.
This really rings bells for me. I've increasingly seen this period of enforced absence from work as a retreat from the world, and have been inclined to see it in terms of defeat and failure. However, the benefits of this enforced retreat are becoming apparent as I grow stronger and healthier and (I hope) more balanced. I hope this time is providing me with the opportunity to develop new skills, new patterns of behaving and relating which will be better for me and for those around me. So much of my time has been devoted to the needs of others. Being alone I am forced to look at what I need, what is right for me. This is something new, different for me. I'm learning to define myself differently - not solely in relationship to others and my connections with them (wife, mum, teacher etc) but in terms of me alone (craftsperson, reader, musician, genealogist, thinker).
I'm a rambling mass of inconsistencies, some hidden and some all too apparent. A "messy human", wishing to be visible and yet invisible, cherishing my differences but longing to fit in.
Blogs I read
- A Fortunate Man
- A Long Walk to Forever
- Awareness
- Dare to Dream
- Fighting the Urge
- Frolicking Through Llife
- Good in parts
- I'm a Medical Student...
- Lake Cocytus
- Mandy
- Marcella
- Medicines, Animals and a Dream
- Mental nurse
- Mouse
- Nearly time
- Neenaw
- One Pedestrian Away
- Pip
- Pole to Polar
- Police Inspector Blog
- Rainbow Dreams
- Random Acts of Reality
- Rufus May
- Schizophrenia - a Carer's Story
- Seratonin
- The fight for Mrs Carr
- The muddled marketplace
- There and Back
- Traumaqueen
- Useless CPN
2 comments:
retreat is good, as is solitude.
I fully see your dilemma, as I find myself falling into that as well. As I mentioned before, I have tried to make a concerted effort to pull away from doing so much for so many when in fact they didn't ask for it in the first place, but now depend on it and take it for granted .... to redefine myself....etc. It's not easy. one has to deal with the self induced (and family reinforced) guilt tripping....it causes friction.
I have been very lucky....though I do see the "lights go out" when I start talking incessantly perhaps about my writing, which is sparking me like nothing else right now.....it's not understood and may be perceived as a threat a bit....... however, the "slack" has been picked up.....
Retreat.......it's a good word...and a wonderful concept... once you get over the idea that it can conjure up a picture of hiding away rather than a SPA, then you're off to the races.
We all need it......only some can truly reach it....... and you my friend are reaping the benefits of being there.
Enjoy your weekend, Caroline....
take care.
dana.
Thanks, Dana.
The friction, guilt tripping etc I empathise with. My daughters, however, are coping with the changes in me, and these same changes are, I believe, producing changes for the better in them. They are becoming more helpful, more appreciative, even doing things without being asked to.
On retreat, I have long thought of depression in terms of being a cave. My therapist has encouraged me to see that cave as a safe place, a place of retreat, and for the longest time I have acquiesced in this without it truly making sense to me. Suddenly it is all becoming meaningful, significant. I love those moments when things fall into place.
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