In your eyes I see my reflection
Lazy
Thoughtless
Unkind
Over-emotional
Untidy
Selfish
And then
you say
"I love you"
And I don't understand.
I'm a rambling mass of inconsistencies, some hidden and some all too apparent. A "messy human", wishing to be visible and yet invisible, cherishing my differences but longing to fit in.
Blogs I read
- A Fortunate Man
- A Long Walk to Forever
- Awareness
- Dare to Dream
- Fighting the Urge
- Frolicking Through Llife
- Good in parts
- I'm a Medical Student...
- Lake Cocytus
- Mandy
- Marcella
- Medicines, Animals and a Dream
- Mental nurse
- Mouse
- Nearly time
- Neenaw
- One Pedestrian Away
- Pip
- Pole to Polar
- Police Inspector Blog
- Rainbow Dreams
- Random Acts of Reality
- Rufus May
- Schizophrenia - a Carer's Story
- Seratonin
- The fight for Mrs Carr
- The muddled marketplace
- There and Back
- Traumaqueen
- Useless CPN
10 comments:
me neither.......
hugs and thoughts Caroline...
words and actions......
me neither too........
keep writing....
Thank you all.
Still here - more or less.
I don't know - maybe I am the person others see - manipulative, selfish, thoughtless. If I am, then there really isn't much point going on, is there?
though I can only glean fragments of what you are going through in your relationships, Caroline and would never in a million years offer up advice.......i have no answers.......
what i am reading and feeling are words and observations from a woman who is struggling to find goodness......in herself and in life.
I have learned from both personal and professional experience that it doesn't take long for negative comments and feedback to eat at one's spirit......all of a sudden when faced with this we begin to believe the negative messages and perceptions and start applying them to ourselves.
women are inherent pleasers, don't you think? Sometimes to a fault because we can so easily compromise who we ARE in order to please......in order to keep the balance in a family and in a relationship. if this continues, we tend to lose our own foundations.....our own "who we really are" and are painted with a colour/brush by someone else.....
I read a book this winter called Dance with Anger......in it I learned that when one person tries to make changes in themselves, it impacts the family and the marriage with a big shake up. There is resistance and blaming.... people don't like change......and will ply the guilt through accusations and silence etc.
It was an eye opener for me....as I have made BIG changes in my life and in my priorities to make time for myself and my writing....I hadn't realized the impact it was having on my family who had relied on me to do absolutely everything when it came to organizing and coordinating........
I'm running out of time......can't write anymore right now.....
Hope my thoughts and ramblings make sense.......
hold on beautiful person, you!!!!!
an don't be renting that Movie Shirley Valentine......! :)
Thank you Dana for your comments. They made a lot of sense, especially the part about changing oneself and how that impacts others.
I wonder if sometimes people use the "love" word to describe not a reality, but something they long to make a reality...I say I "love" God but I don't behave as if I do much of the time...I do things that are anything but loving, that hurt him, that hurt others I claim to love...but I do WANT to love.
Maybe there's something of the same dynamic playing out here, - but it's horrible for you in the middle of it.
Love and prayers continue.
Thank you, Kathryn. I do see what you mean and it sheds some light on the statement.
As I read this I was thinking that some of those reflections are parts of all of us, and some are parts of many of us....
but they are balanced by lots of other qualities... generous, loving, kind, sensitive, warm, caring, thoughtful....
Sometimes I think we don't always take into account the whole of us....as a complete package we are all lovable, take care and know I am thinking of you.
Thank you. What you say is very true and I tend to focus too much on my faults, I know. What you said ties in well with discussions I had today with my psychologist. Things to blog about...
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