My GP suggested to me, some weeks back, that I was like a dormant bulb and that one day I would be warmed through and be able to grow again. The warmth and nourishment have come from the most unexpected places, from total strangers, and with a greater force behind them which I have not been able to ignore. I feel I am starting to grow. At the moment I am unsure what plant will emerge and whether those who think they know me will recognise and be able to accept it, but it is growing and I am changing, little by little.
I'm spending a lot of time in our (real) garden, clearing away the dead stuff and replacing it with more attractive new plants. I'm digging out a patch of heavy clay soil in a corner, and planning to replace it with fresh light compost where plants can grow and thrive. I've cleared out our pond, refilled and restocked it. It's heavy, hard, tiring work, but I'm seeing progress. That could all be an image of what is happening inside me as well.
At times I've been forced back - or retreated back - into my cave of depression. But I'm making the cave more of a sanctuary, with cushions, soft lights, and comforting quilts. My therapist is teaching me that it is OK to retreat, to hide away, at times.
I'm still on the rollercoaster, still descending terrifying depths at regular intervals, but starting to appreciate the view again from the higher points of the ride.
3 comments:
How about a soft pink double tulip with different shades filtering through the petals? Or a vibrant orange daylily?........or a deep purple iris? Either way......once your "dormancy" is over and you begin to grow out of the ground......you will be sturdy once again......showing off new colours. I like your GP's analogy.
I'm a strong believer that physical work helps clear the way for mental/emotional work to just happen. Your gardening and mucking about with your pond etc.....the planning and doing around it seems to be allowing you to find a pace to your thinking too.
good news all around...... :)
Thank you, Dana. I like the flwers you suggest. My GP has great ideas and really useufl suggestions which often come outside of the conventional GP "role".
Yes, I think physical activity helps me to process things. Rhythmic activity is particularly good for this, and so is anything which carries an element of creativity.
i think we are a lot alike.....
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