I seem to have spent a large part of today crying.
It feels very hard today, but nothing hard has happened. On the contrary, in fact. My trainer at the gym was lovely. So why did I burst into tears in the middle of the yoga session? The counsellor was supportive and validating. So why did I keep crying? My colleague (when I collected my daughter) was reassuring. So why did I cry? I guess I'm just on overload.
I've emailed my CPN and psychologist but heard nothing in reply from either of them. Feels like I am being left to get on with it, and I just have to be grateful that other people are picking up the pieces.
Thank you all.
I'm a rambling mass of inconsistencies, some hidden and some all too apparent. A "messy human", wishing to be visible and yet invisible, cherishing my differences but longing to fit in.
Blogs I read
- A Fortunate Man
- A Long Walk to Forever
- Awareness
- Dare to Dream
- Fighting the Urge
- Frolicking Through Llife
- Good in parts
- I'm a Medical Student...
- Lake Cocytus
- Mandy
- Marcella
- Medicines, Animals and a Dream
- Mental nurse
- Mouse
- Nearly time
- Neenaw
- One Pedestrian Away
- Pip
- Pole to Polar
- Police Inspector Blog
- Rainbow Dreams
- Random Acts of Reality
- Rufus May
- Schizophrenia - a Carer's Story
- Seratonin
- The fight for Mrs Carr
- The muddled marketplace
- There and Back
- Traumaqueen
- Useless CPN
7 comments:
hug from here, xC
crying is good, and it sounds as tho the people you cried near accepted and held you - that's a huge measure of your - and their worth, hold on to both those things because it is you and people who are friends who know and reflect your worth and love and value and hope, not the professionals or the systems. yOu deserve better, everyone deserves better - let your friends keep reminding you of that.
Thank you for the hug, Caroline.
Yes, I felt very accepted by those who were with me in my tears today, and you are right, that is good.
I hate the mental health suystem. I have struggled with it and been damaged by the struggle, been hurt and damaged by a system which is supposed to help those of us who are damaged and hurting already.
I wish, I really wish, that I could believe for myself that I have worth. I really wish I was not so vulnerable and feelings o inadequate and so damn needy.
Caroline said it well, it's ok to cry, be kind to yourself and take it as it comes, warm thoughts and a hug from here, Katie
martin wroe asks, what are our eyes trying to say with their tears.....
it's a good L5 question
Thanks for the thoughts and the hugs, Katie.
"what are our eyes trying to say with their tears....."
I think mine are trying to tell me they want my emotions to be blind for a while. And that they want everything that is scratching me to pieces to be washed away.
You're right - great question.
You've had so many wise words, I've nothing at all to add but some more hugs from here.
Love and prayers xxx
Thank you kathryn. Love, hugs and prayers are about the only things that help.
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