Giving up / giving in

I spoke to Occupational Health today and they were very very supportive. They have strongly recommended that I take time off work - partly because I need it but also because, by continuing to cope, I am absolving school from any responsibility to address the things that are making me ill. So I have phoned to say I won't be in tomorrow. I will see my GP if I can get an appointment and ask him to sign me off work, which I hope he will do. I am due to see my psychologist (though I am very apprehensive about that). I also realised that, given that i am scratching my arms at work (though not in front of the pupils) I am really not fit to be in there. I have asked school to refer me to occupational health.

So that give me no excuse to not try to get my head together. I need to find a way of not needing to self harm. I need to take time for me. I need to find some forgiveness of myself. I need to come to terms with sessions with my psychologist ending. I need to not indirectly self harm through carelessness, over drinking, not eating etc.

But most of that feels impossible just now.